_MeraKin_

(1)
          	
          	Hi. I'm not sure if anyone will still see this, since it's been a long time — but either way, it's fine.
          	
          	I thought I had long forgotten about this. But in moments when my mind goes blank and there's nothing left to think about, I find myself remembering my stories — and the characters I never got to share. I realize now... I miss it. I miss writing.
          	
          	Looking back and reading my old drafts, I've started to reflect on a few things. Back then, I was too judgmental and harsh on my own work — but now that I read them again, they weren’t actually so bad. Or sometimes I was so excited and was also a bit too proud of my writing, yet it turns out it was full of errors. I got so caught up in trying to please others that I became a perfectionist, and in the process, I forgot to enjoy what I was creating. And lastly... and honestly I was lazy. Hahaha.
          	
          	All of these things led to me never finishing a single book. Everything I wrote remained just an idea. But maybe... it was also because I was too young. I didn’t really have anything of my own to say. I was only echoing what I had picked up from other works. My stories didn’t come from my own perspective, my own experience, or from things I truly wanted others to see.
          	
          	Of course, that’s not a valid reason for someone not to be a writer — but for me, back then, it became a barrier. Still, I don’t regret any of it. I don’t regret leaving those ideas unfinished. I just wasn’t ready yet. Maybe I was just greedy — or too inspired — wanting to create something as beautiful as what I was reading at the time.

_MeraKin_

(1)
          
          Hi. I'm not sure if anyone will still see this, since it's been a long time — but either way, it's fine.
          
          I thought I had long forgotten about this. But in moments when my mind goes blank and there's nothing left to think about, I find myself remembering my stories — and the characters I never got to share. I realize now... I miss it. I miss writing.
          
          Looking back and reading my old drafts, I've started to reflect on a few things. Back then, I was too judgmental and harsh on my own work — but now that I read them again, they weren’t actually so bad. Or sometimes I was so excited and was also a bit too proud of my writing, yet it turns out it was full of errors. I got so caught up in trying to please others that I became a perfectionist, and in the process, I forgot to enjoy what I was creating. And lastly... and honestly I was lazy. Hahaha.
          
          All of these things led to me never finishing a single book. Everything I wrote remained just an idea. But maybe... it was also because I was too young. I didn’t really have anything of my own to say. I was only echoing what I had picked up from other works. My stories didn’t come from my own perspective, my own experience, or from things I truly wanted others to see.
          
          Of course, that’s not a valid reason for someone not to be a writer — but for me, back then, it became a barrier. Still, I don’t regret any of it. I don’t regret leaving those ideas unfinished. I just wasn’t ready yet. Maybe I was just greedy — or too inspired — wanting to create something as beautiful as what I was reading at the time.

_MeraKin_

(2)
          
          So... how about now, you may ask?
          
          Right now, I want to start again. I want to enjoy the process. I want to fulfill this — not just for me, but for my younger self, so she doesn’t have to feel disappointed. Because even if she wasn’t fully immersed in her own stories, it was still her dream to finish just one. Just one. Finishing more than that would be a 'wow' hahahaha. Coz my course right now ain't chill, but still... I wanted to grow old not having thoughts like 'I wish I had done this'
          
          But I'm not a great writer ha, just a spoiler hahaha. I would probably make a mess on most sentences and grammar that would make your brow raise but please have mercy on me hahahaha (a kind correction would be really helpful) Just think of this as an old lady's dying wish. A person who just wanted to give it a try and will leave peacefully hehe.
          
          But in this time, as someone who has grown through the years — someone who is now so far from who she once was — I want to add more of *myself* into it. I want to add meaning. I want it to have purpose.
          
          So whether I finish a book this year — or never — we’ll see. :)
          
          but I at least we gotta try.