Toska - noun /ˈtō-skə/ - Russian word roughly translated as sadness, melancholia, lugubriousness.

"No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom."
― Vladimir Nabokov

This entire account is a form of Toska. 

Pronouns: she/her/they/them

Currently work on 'Neriya'. Have promised myself to finish the book. All of it. However painful it might be. Also working on 'Gentle Lovers'. It is a lighter, warmer, not realistic romance. Very much a distraction from Neriya. Do not blame me, it is harder to confront, write, than gentle lovers is.