yma ✞

do i want to die or am i depressed 
          am i depressed or am i just sad 
          am i sad or am i just not happy 
          have i been just not happy for 5 years or am i just different ✨✨

i’ve reached midlife crisis :)

i was going thru my account and realised i actually wrote shit... publishing it cause y not

i’ve realised i’ve started to talk less than usual not saying that i used to speak much in the first place... i think i just really want someone to rant my thought to and i think i’ve found that person.. it’s me. I’m the one who listens to me —

being an asian myself, i’ve experienced a lot of racism and shit like that and lemme tell u it’s not fun.. it fucks with ur brain and yea.. Indians in particular haven’t been a prominent race that experience racism (not saying they haven’t,, Indians receive a lotta racism but not in the asian hate crime way as such so far). I can only imagine how terrible it is for the asian Americans out there right now who are experiencing so much rn.. having to worry about there safety even more now and yea.. the fact that the elderly asian population are experiencing the worst rn breaks my heart even more... who would do such cruel criminal acts like that...
          
          https://youtu.be/Vrb4CdrVRBU >>>> this video is heartbreaking:(

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE STUFF THATS GOING ON RN:
          
          i honestly don’t know who in the right mind thinks asian hate crimes are ok cause they’re not. Like man think about what ur doing... u are going to mug, kidnap, attack, beat up and kill asians just because they’re not ur race. How does people being asian affect you in anyway fucking way.. IT DOESNT.. literally no one has to the rights to hurt anyone in any possible way just because of their race... there are so many people out there who are dying because of this terrible issue.. if you think crimes against asians are ok LEAVE PLS WE DONT WANT THIS DISGUSTING BELIF AND VALUE OF URS HERE.. if u are reading this being quiet about this issue is just as bad as what those monsters are doing.. only society can change this and peoples voices so pls pls help people out here will u..
          
          can we also talk about everything going on with just the overall assault and harassment and all of those revolting issue going on all over the world .. 97% of women have experienced some form of assault of sexual harassment..for female rape survivors 98.1% of perpetrators are men.. for male rape survivors 93% of perpetrators are men.. women constantly have to worry about everything when going out in public... if ur a women think about the last time u went outside with no worry in ur head.. no need to look back to check if someone is following u or if someone is going to kidnap u or anything of that sort... why is this? Why has society made it so difficult for women to go out in public? Not just women are victims of rape and harassment but also young boys. WHY? 1/10 men are monsters. They do this sort of stuff and think it’s ok.. it really isn’t... i’m telling u it really isn’t.
          
          SO PLS RASIE UR VOICE TO HELP THE PEOPLE OUT THERE ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO ARE VICTIMS OF THESE GRUESOME ACTS!
          
          (why did this turn into an essay)
          

assessment ahhh,,
          
          bruh i havnt finished my english yet and the little i’ve wrote is literally so bad like i don’t even know if i could get an E with that memoir
          
          SCIENCE IM GOING TO FAIL.
          
          MATH IM SCARED FOR.

LIKE
          
          i’ve been going through shii and i kinda stopped talking that much and i feel like during that time everyone’s changed and i feel like i have no one to talk to.. no one to actually consider my close friend.. like idek
          
          i want my life to be fun but everything around me and my beliefs and values and my morals all go against me having fun.. i just want one friend like just one... like i always see people walk around with their besties or what not and i always wonder i want that.. i don’t want love.. i don’t want popularity.. i just want one friend who can be there and listen.. i do have that friend but i feel like she’s getting tired of me and i’m slowly loosing her.. 
          
          right now i don’t even have jesus with me.. he probably also got tired of me.. i’m just a tiring friend... i’m so boring.. i am so cautious about what i say and what i eat.. always wanting to be the perfect person a good friend.. i want so many things but i just don’t get anything..
          
          why?

why the frick does life have to be so complicated.. 
          
          sometimes i wonder if i have any friends

do y’all ever feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, then tomorrow arrives...