choca:)

oof it’s been awhile  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
          update:
          it hurts even when it’s great.
          i don’t really know how to handle emotions like this.
          goddamn i love you so fucking much
          but i hate you.
          “5 more minutes?”
          “i love you”
          “i just want to hold you for forever and not let go”
          “when can i see you again?”
          ...
          i’m constantly awake because when i’m not talking to you until 1am, i’m thinking about you
          i love you so fucking much, my emotions can’t handle it.
          i want you so bad. i want your everything. i want your heart, your love, your body, your touch, your words your attention, and to be your last. i want to hold you one day and not let go because the vows said so.
          when can you see me? i’m willing to walk 40 miles in -20 degree weather just to give you one hug because i feel so safe in your arms.
          -
          i truly hate you for making me feel this way, honey. look what you did best friend.
          

december 14 2017
          11:25pm
          haven’t been here in awhile
          ——————————————————————————december has been kinda a shitty month
          i’ve been through a lot
          i’ve questioned myself a lot
          but then i realize i haven’t done anything to question myself
          but sometimes i have to forget about the bad and just appreciate the good for once in my fucking life
          ——————————————————————————
          i have some amazing friends i wouldn’t trade for the world
          i have an amazing mom who supports me in everything i do
          i have strong and awesome grandparents that i wouldn’t trade for the world 
          and i have awesome cats that let me snuggle with them (even though autumn is a major bitch)
          i have a lot
          more than i probably need!
          i also have an amazing boyfriend who i guess i could also say i have an amazing best friend :)
          i also got an old best back and i missed him b much :(
          ——————————————————————————
          and let me tell you something else!!!
          this weekend i’m see the last jedi
          fuck me upppp
          and holy shit
          i’m praying for that goddamn kiss 
          it’s been long enough boy, let’s get the train rolling!
          i feel bad though
          he wants that kiss, he’s told me
          but he doesn’t wanna fuck shit up
          and he wants to give me the most respect he can
          i think he was born on goddamn mars
          not sure where his sex drive is at but the kids hides it pretty friggin good
          love him though
          and i appreciate his goodnight texts and all the countless times he lets me know he loves me
          he’s a great guy
          to all my friends-
          GET YOU A MAN LIKE HIM!!!
          i want the best for my people and you can’t get better than that
          stop going for all he shitty guys and get you a jameson ;) 
          ~much love
          ~chica
          ~11:34pm

so the reality is starting to hit, that in possibly january, i will be moving out of my parent's house, and moving into a dorm. i will be going to a school ten times bigger than the one i go to now, and i wont have that many people there to help me get around. i will be responsible or everything i do- every choice, mistake, and action is reliant on me and nobody else anymore. im scared to death. the education is worth it, but im so afraid of not having close friends. and i wont have my two best friends there with me. i can't tell you how many times i have cried over the thought of not seeing you too every school day and not graduating together. our friendship will never change, and i will always try my best to get my mom to come pick you two up and bring you to li so you can come into my room and we can go have a girls night at bailiwicks. or taco bell, whatever you choose ;) i love you too so much and i can't express to you how thankful i am for all the memories and support you've given to me. I'm gonna miss you like crazy if this happen <3 @sluttyducky @PaintCans__

just cried
          haven’t cried in a while
          well i cried yesterday
          but they were sad tears :(
          today they were happy 
          you are the best <3
          so fucking glad i made this decision :))))
          someone who finally knows me

why you voting ava's stories and not mine

MAKE A BOOK ABOUT JAMESON

november 25, 2017
          
          7:32pm
          
          “chica, i don’t think you understand. i’m fr fr fr being serious with you. i want to be with you for a long time.”
          
          “well i guess i’m in for the long run!!!”
          
          “looooooongg run”
          
          “how long we talking?”
          
          “forever.”
          
          “i’m down for that”
          
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
          
          7:55pm
          
          “what really matters right now, is that we love each other”
          
          “yes yes yes”
          
          “so happy b”
          
          “oml you make me so happy you don’t even understand.”
          
          “we must be so perfect for each other then”
          
          these are the kind of conversations that made her nervous. anxious. scared. she wanted all of this to happen, but there was always other girls who she couldn’t even compare to. he could give any girl anything she wanted. the looks. the sense of humor. the brains. the emotion. the utter respect for the female race.
          
          she was a plain. so many girls had what she did, it was easy to find someone like her. but for some reason, he chose her and he loved her. she didn’t know why. she didn’t even know if i was true. she just want his heart and she wasn’t afraid this time. his heart was like the pony every little girl wanted for christmas. for months she had lived by this equation: 
          “love+me=heartbreak”
          
          but this time, she couldn’t resist. the feeling she got from him was like meeting your future bride or groom in college. everything about him made her want him for the longest time she could. 
          
          “oh, what to do, what to do?” she would think constantly. the girl had been fully in love before but, never like this. she didn’t have to worry or feel pain, especially considering the fact they were an hour apart. she trusted him with her life. this was the beauty of them being friends first. she was in love and she wanted him to be her last love.
          
          chapter 2: is he true?
          
          
          

i hope you are honest. because i fell in love with you and i can’t help it.

missed having my uncles home to talk to me about college and school<3

i can’t believe you think i deserve more.
          when you told me i felt embarrassed.
          but at he same time.
          proud.
          i knew he was wrong and i was right.
          go me!
          you’re an amazing human.
          you’re sense of caring for me is unbelievable.
          you are everything i ever wanted.
          •good looking.
          •tall.
          •smart.
          •funny.
          •sweet.
          •caring.
          •understanding.
          and most importantly.
          •you.
          one day.
          this will be a mistake.
          but for now.
          i will live it because this is amazing.