@amiablyyy_ Hello!!
I read your story. Here r some comments over the places u can improve:
While it is quite easy to understand, there is no character development in the story. Let's thing about this logically. If Jessica were an owner of a MULTINATIONAL COMPANY which was built from scrap, might we add, then her character will be a bit more respectful. To build such a company would mean to have the thought of looking into what others think, if not all, yet certain aspects of it. So, here we see her character failing. In the corporate world it is easy for a person to fail. And someone of Jessica's character would definitely fail.
Then we have the grammar and vocabulary.
Your grammar has many aspects in which it could improve. Then in the vocab, we have the word 'sawal' in one of the chapters, which you have translated as 'questioning'. There you could have used the word 'challenging' which would increase the efficiency of the sentence.
Also, while focusing on the side characters, sometimes you lose focus on the main topic. People don't have a lot of time or patience to read stuff unrelated to the book. Even, we authors ourselves would sometimes feel bored reading it. So, try cutting it down and increase the frequency of the main topic. I get it that you are trying to include the main topic into the conversation but increase its volume because it's hard to search for a needle in a haystack.