TW: I don’t even know, N3gl3ct maybe?
Also Vent?
My dad was confusing… he would spend time with me sometimes. But it was routine for home to not bathe me, not feed me, smoke inside so I had to go into my bedroom and play with my dolls, not trust my friend and wanted us to play on one side of the yard (we didn’t), make his father that lived with him do all the work INCLUDING feeding and bathing me, playing poker on his computer, gaslit me once that I can remember, told me I was “too gross” (or something like that) to bathe. But he’d take me to the movies, buy me toys, giving me the room with the tv, getting me a kite (i crashed that into a tree), getting me a toy car (i crashed that into a tree), and getting me a toy car that I could ride in at the age of 4. When I was 8 I was aloud to see him (I think he was on probation or something) through a special place. I felt like I didn’t know him, I felt awkward about seeing him. I looked around and saw all of these people seeming happy to see their family members but I didn’t really seem to like my father. I tried playing with toys with him but it felt awkward like when you’re meeting someone for the first time but you don’t know what to talk about, you know?
P.S most of this happened 7 or younger. He took me to the movies and a buffet where he joked about him stealing back in the day. Is this neglect because I told people a bunch of the negative things he’s don’t but I’ve told no positives.