Daisies 💕

Here we are at the end of another year which honestly doesn’t even feel like it. This whole week didn’t even feel like the last week, to me that is. It’s all been such a blur. I don’t have anything much to say about this year. Or it’s better I say, I don’t have much of that feeling of wanting to look back and reflect on everything that occurred. All I’ve been thinking about these last few days is all the work I gotta do but procrastinating anyways because I’m tireddd. The last few weeks have been tiring and I just wanna rest. I don’t feel the need to care that tomorrow will be 2026. It just will be and that’s that. Which feels weird because I’ve never had that feeling before. The last few weeks will become the next few months and I will probably hate every bit of the chaos until we get to summer. So, no pondering on the past like usual, nothing special, just nursing a headache and chilling. 

We can’t fix it if we never face it…Let the past be the past til it’s weightless… What if we heal what’s broken? 

Well I pray that the universe gives you way more than you deserve. When the tears fall like shooting stars, remember who you are…

“How am I supposed to know which skin and bones feel right to hold for life?” 

“I’m still not healing cause you’re the one I should be with…
          All the simple dreams that we always talked about
          I think about you now and then it hurts me a little
          And I’m sorry but it haunts me a little
          I wished we could have found a way to meet in the middle
          And it’s tragic that even now I can’t let go..” James Arthur just never disappoints. 

“All my life I’ve been good but now I’m thinking ‘what the hell..”
          Havent heard this in sooo long 

Can’t believe I’ve reached the point of mirroring the digitsss. Will drop off the calendar next time lol. Craaazy. I’m still not adept at navigating this life, not even close. A lot times I feel a sense of unexpected overwhelm wash over me. I’m always filled with a lot anxiety and doubt but each year there’s something new that I’ve done worth celebrating and that pushes me forward most days. My lifelong dream of writing novels is not just something I’ve just written on paper anymore and that will forever be awesome. Though some days I wonder if I have the ability to fulfill the great vision of my ideas I still end up taking that one step forward and I hope I continue to do so til I see the finished product and I’ve proved to myself that I’ve actually done it. There’s so much I want to see come to fruition. Here’s to all those dreams, to all those baby steps, to trying to find more peace. 

First love was 4G, etch-a-sketch, Italian grade authenticity 
           
          Was classic emoticons and character limits,
          Was a feverish flitting of fingers on keyboards, flirting clicks and fluttering risks,
          Was teenage girl toe curling over bolded smirks and grins between asterisks,
          Was swiping right to hear his “I missed you” soft in San Serif and introvert blue,
          Was role playing between the lines and occasional threesomes with tech support,
          Was a love for literature and sending hand-picked poetry like warm, waking breakfast in bed,
          Was shared bucket lists and parallel, midnight radio raves,
          Was new age fluency sampled with old-fashioned friends to lovers,
          Was a 2 hour and 2 years ahead, 12 a.m. birthday stay up adolescence,
          Was falling into companied slumber cradling a “sleep well” today, 2:00 am.
          Was a secret with a hidden album and six digit passcode, 
          Was profoundly more than just the sequence of bits to pixels projected on tempered glass.

“ Oh I'll still love you, head to toe, yeah”

“Baby, I’m just trying to play cool but I just can’t hide that I want you.”