_wan_der_lu_st_

So, haha, I am still alive. A lot has happened since I last opened this app—particularly, I spent a year looking for jobs, had a couple temporary gigs, realized nothing was panning out, wrote an original book (editing in progress) and decided to apply to grad school—for something totally outside of my major. I am currently in grad school for English (is anyone really surprised? lol) and it is taking up all of my mind and then some. I’m actually supposed to be working on an essay right now, hahahaha. But, as I think about topics for my thesis (crazy for me to be talking about something as adult-sounded as a thesis), I know that I want to do something about fanfiction. It has been such a large part of me for so long, and I feel like it would be a disservice to my degree not to honor where I really started my love and passion for reading and writing. BBBH was the first large work I ever completed, and I would be remiss not to acknowledge its impact on me, even if it’s technically still a work in progress (it will be completely edited someday, I swear). Lastly, I do still sometimes write some fics, just not on wattpad. It is where I started and I don’t want to abandon it, but shorter things like oneshots, and works that are completely outside of anything I post on wattpad, are found on my ao3 of the same username. Some of my older works can be found on ao3 as well as BBBH (though I think that version is even less edited than the one on here, whoops. All that being said, this is currently where I’m at, and I wanted to let everyone know that I’m still kicking, just elsewhere haha. I hope you’re all doing well, and happy reading!
          	xx lee

_wan_der_lu_st_

So, haha, I am still alive. A lot has happened since I last opened this app—particularly, I spent a year looking for jobs, had a couple temporary gigs, realized nothing was panning out, wrote an original book (editing in progress) and decided to apply to grad school—for something totally outside of my major. I am currently in grad school for English (is anyone really surprised? lol) and it is taking up all of my mind and then some. I’m actually supposed to be working on an essay right now, hahahaha. But, as I think about topics for my thesis (crazy for me to be talking about something as adult-sounded as a thesis), I know that I want to do something about fanfiction. It has been such a large part of me for so long, and I feel like it would be a disservice to my degree not to honor where I really started my love and passion for reading and writing. BBBH was the first large work I ever completed, and I would be remiss not to acknowledge its impact on me, even if it’s technically still a work in progress (it will be completely edited someday, I swear). Lastly, I do still sometimes write some fics, just not on wattpad. It is where I started and I don’t want to abandon it, but shorter things like oneshots, and works that are completely outside of anything I post on wattpad, are found on my ao3 of the same username. Some of my older works can be found on ao3 as well as BBBH (though I think that version is even less edited than the one on here, whoops. All that being said, this is currently where I’m at, and I wanted to let everyone know that I’m still kicking, just elsewhere haha. I hope you’re all doing well, and happy reading!
          xx lee

AngieJorge360

Hi I came across your story and if you ever want to make a second book of Jess and Hannah, I will gladly help you with any ideas for the story, if you going to make a second book for Jess and Hannah story to continue.:-)

_wan_der_lu_st_

Thank you! I don’t have any plans for a second book right now, but who knows what the future may hold!
• Reply

_wan_der_lu_st_

Hello! I’m still alive!
          
          Last semester I was talking a lot of writing courses for college, and this semester I’m taking another writing course. They’ve all been super fun! However, I just haven’t been writing as much for my stories from last year & fanfics in general. I’ve been working on a lot of original works, which I’m super excited about!!! It does mean, however, that my fanfics & the like have gotten pushed to the side. 
          
          Right now, I’m focusing on my original writing. However, I don’t think I can ever truly abandon fanfics. They’re where I started, and they made me the writer I am today. We’ll see where I go from here, but I just wanted to say that I am still writing! I’m just not writing things to be posted on here, they don’t really fit the vibe of Wattpad. Hopefully, I’ll publish an original book someday. If I do, you guys will be the first I tell!
          
          Xx lee

_wan_der_lu_st_

You know, I've been on wattpad for 9 years... and I remember before there was even an app, or a dark mode. I feel old. And I only have 150 followers for all that time, lol. Thank you to those who follow and have stuck around. You're the troopers. If I ever get published one day, I will specifically thank all 150 of y'all. 
          
          Sometimes I really wonder what my purpose is. A lot of people are born just "knowing" what they want to do, but that was never me. I had so many hobbies and interests growing up, and I could never pick just one to stick with. Sometimes I feel like writing chose me. I was always praised for my writing when I was younger. We would write these stories for our assignments when we were younger and I was always known to write 10 times what the teacher said was the max. I could never stick to the limits when it came to writing. The teacher said 1 page, I wrote 5. They said 5? I wrote 10. I actually entered in a contest once, and I got nearly the highest rating in my category, but was docked off because it was 5 pages over the limit. It was a 10 page short story, and guess what? I wrote 15. Whoops! Actually, I didn't even plan on writing that story. My English teacher made me write one since she knew I liked writing and was good at it and we needed someone to submit something. Yes, this is me patting my own back. I don't have a lot of accomplishments, let me have this one.
          
          Point made, I always wrote too much. And after that, and after being praised for my writing, I decided that it was a part of me. I chose writing, or it chose me, I'm not quite sure at this point. No matter, it was always such a large part of me. As I got older, I clung to it to fit my identity, because the weird girl is always a writer, right? I chose to fall back upon that safety net I always had. People always said it made sense, that I was a writer. They said I looked the part. I think that's because I tried so hard to fit into that. 
          
          I don't think I'd be the same without writing.

_wan_der_lu_st_

Part of me feels like I have nothing to show for it, though. I'm 21, and I have no original works finished. Nothing has stuck. And over the years, part of me feels like I'm not the writer I used to be. I go back and read things I have written years past, and I wonder who she was, because sometimes she no longer feels like me. I have tried my hardest and done my best to find my path, and yet still I feel like I give up before it's done most days. 
            
            And I have no idea what to do about it, other than try harder to find that voice within me that I seem to have lost. That voice that could go on for 15 pages because it was a story I had in my head and I needed to get all of it out. I had ideas and thoughts that were not yet corrupted by the world and the doubts in my head of "is it good enough" or "will people like this" or "is this trendy enough or popular enough". I need to write because I want to get it out, need to get it out, and not because I feel like there's a quota I want to fill, an assignment that needs done. Because the moment you take all of the feeling out of writing and narrow it down to just the grammar and the critiques and all the soul-sucking parts about writing, you've lost the true meaning of writing. You write, I write, because there's something we want to say, a story we have to tell, and we have to get it out. 
            
            Writing used to make me feel satisfied. It still does, some days. Most days, however, I feel like I'm forcing myself. 
            
            BUT (ooo she said but), I'm not going to be one of those writers that goes on a hiatus to "find themselves". One, because I'm a perfectionist and can't leave things unfinished. Two, because I feel like that wouldn't do my any good. Three, I can't stop writing anyway, so I might as well share it here. Four, I'm slow as molasses anyway, it's not like anyone will be able to tell if I'm on hiatus or not. Five, literally no one cares.
            
            But I care. And I had to get my thoughts out. I had a story to tell. It feels good.
            
            lee xx
• Reply

_wan_der_lu_st_

Unfortunately, it's taking me a long-ass time to edit even the first chapter (re-edit, actually. I've already edited it once.), so I'm going to be republishing as I go along. This will most likely also apply to all the other chapters. This is going to take a while...*sigh*.