isn't living one's life the most difficult thing? life actually literally sucks. It hurts to see people i liked the most change each day. i give myself the hope that the next day is gonna be better but on the contrary it worsens. u know its like living a life that is already dead. i feel myself to be a living dead. a person who is breathing, doing the task every human being does, except here there is no happiness and enjoyment. I try doing things that makes me happy, but in the end every day i wake up crying and i go to bed crying. Even solving maths isn't as tough as living life. I just want to drop everything and go away. Far away where no one can reach me, where i can touch skies and be what i want to be. i want to go to a place where there is no human race. I want to be who i actually want to be and always fail in it. I hate myself for crying each minute of my life. In a day i cry maybe about 14-15 times. these cries aren't for one direction. these cries are for the life am living. The hell-hole also known as life is burying me and not allowing me to breathe. even if i die it won't make any differences, i can say this since i have lived enough to know how people will react. Just 4 days, i was on the rooftop, readying to jump. idk, why i was gonna do that but was literally ready. next moment i wasn't able to. i still feel guilty i should have taken the leap. 2 days ago, i was gonna cut my wrist thinking i will be able to but ended up cutting my arm. each day i think of different ways to leave this world. i feel worst each day. some of u may know Chloe, a tomlinson fan who suicided. my mental health worsened after that. idk but it literally affected me. don't know why am saying all these but just wanted to say. - X
