Hey! I read your both stories, it's actually good, and I kind of understood the plot. I also got to know that you're new and are not experienced much. So while reading I did spotted alot of errors, especially when you're writing the dialogue, the apostrophe is not placed correctly, which made me confuse to where the dialogue actually ended, you can looj upon it and edit it. You should go through the chapter once you finish writing it, because there can be spelling mistakes and grammatical errors too.
One thing I noticed in Jimin's book, the first chapter, was that you had expanded it, like stretched it much, having many other changing of sets which was a bit confusing, so I would recommend you to go slow because it is just the beginning of the story, it seemed as if you're trying to end the story soon.
In your other book, the first chapter was good, again there were mistakes and errors so I would ask you to go through the chapter one more time, read it again and you can fix the mistakes. About forming a sentence, you can always take help or Google or some app, which shows how to use different words and how to form a sentence better.
Keeping this aside, I really am hoping for you to update the next chapters of both your books, they are cool. You can maybe add more to the description for the Jimin's book, because description can totally attract readers.
I hope my comment didn't offended you, keep practicing writing and I'm sure you will do great one day ❤️❤️❤️
