fern

i wanna scream 'till my lungs blow out

Awww I luv u sm!!!

THX FOR THE FOLLOW!!!!

check out my new bio i updateddd <33
          
          my life has been getting better, highs and lows i guess..
          tysm aarstar btw, you were so supportive always ilysmm and thats neva gonna change :3
          
          i think im gonna try and focus on the small good parts in life instead of thinking about the sad parts. i got a therapist -- a really sweet one i love her sm -- and she's helping me a bunch. 
          
          sorry im not online here as much, my parents are trying to get me away from screens buuuuut i guess i dont blame them, i was online a whole lot be4
          
          im going to have a song of the day on my bio so check that out for sure! the song today is Revolution by The Score! it's really good!
          
          FINALLYY i will ofc will try to update my stories (including the reveal) ASAP!
          
          love you always everyone!
          fern out <3

It's smooth-sailing from here on out!
          
           I hope..

Could u do a reveal like me for 20 followers? Let's c if we're twinsies, we're kinda due to age, thots, insomnia. But whut else?

what i want to say: 
          FIRST OF ALL B I WAS TOO TIRED TO SOCIALIZE WITH ANYONE IN SCHOOL THAT DAY.. GIRL IT WASNT PERSONAL!!
          
          I WAS JUST SLEEP DEPRIVED BECAUSE OF MY STUPID INSOMNIA.
          
          SECOND OF ALL, YOU CANNOT GET IRRITATED BRO WHAT IS THERE TO GET MAD ABOUT LIKE WTAF??
          
          THIRD OF ALL, YOU DO THE EXACT SAME THING CUZ GIRL REMIND ME THE LAST TIME YOU OPENED UP TO ME AND TOLD ME YOUR PROBLEMS IN REAL LIFE.
          
          DON'T BE A HYPOCRITE AND THINK BEFORE YOU START GETTING MAD AT ME IN CHAT.
          
          FORTH, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I THINK ABOUT YOUR OWN PROBLEMS EVERY DAY, THINKING ABOUT HOW TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, PAYING ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING YOU SAY BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY?
          
          I KNOW YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY; BUTTERFINGERS. 
          I KNOW WHEN YOUR COUSINS COME OVER; A FEW WEEKS AGO AND STAYING FOR A MONTH. 
          I KNOW WHAT YOUR SISTERS DAUGHTER'S NAME IS; ALICE. 
          I KNOW THAT YOU WENT TO YOUR FIRST MARTIAL ARTS CLASS ON SUNDAY, AND THAT YOUR MOM IS LETTING YOU GO WITHOUT TELLING THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY. 
          I KNOW YOUR DREAM CITY TO LIVE IN WAS NEW YORK, BUT NOW YOU LOOK BACK AND THINK THATS CRINGE. 
          I KNOW YOU LOVE WATCHING K DRAMA.
          
          WHEN YOUR SAD I TRY TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. 
          WHEN YOUR FANGIRLING ABOUT THIS NEW KDRAMA, I WATCH IT WITH YOU TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. 
          WHEN YOUR FAMILY IS MAKING YOU DO CHORES CUZ YOUR A GIRL AND THEY ARE SEXIST PIGS, I TELL YOU YOU DESERVE BETTER AND I WANNA COME OVER TO HELP YOU FINISH.
          
          REMIND WHO WAS YOUR FIRST FRIEND IN THIRD GRADE?
          
          YOUR FIRST SUBSCRIBER ON YOUTUBE?
          
          THE FIRST TO BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU TOLD US ABOUT YOUR HOME ABUSE?
          
          THE FIRST TO CALL YOU PRETTY CUZ I KNEW YOU WERE NEVER TOLD THAT?
          
          THE FIRST AND ONLY PERSON TO INVITE YOU OVER FOR A PLAYDATE?
          
          THE FIRST TO FREAKING ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU WERE???
          
          FOR GOODNESS SAKE, HOW MUCH DO I NEED TO DO FOR YOU? THE ONE TIME I STOP AND THINK ABOUT MY OWN PROBLEMS, YOU GET RAGE AT ME???

is this whats its like to grow up
          people dont care anymore
          they dont notice when im crying
          i want to scream
          but no one will hear me
          if i fall apart 
          so will they
          
          im in school right now
          no one even knows im crying
          my tears are invisble to them
          and i dont even know if i want people to see them
          i want to be viewed as strong
          but im not
          im weak
          is this really what life has come to now
          when will it end?

Gurl hru... I'm sorry if it's a sensitive topic, but you were all normal before Sep, u wrote u replied and u were so happy... But now u came back all depressed and with these suicidial thoughts... As ur the first person who commented on me (Ik it's nothing, but v cud be besties on Wattpad if u want) so cud u tell me, I cud give advice and give u hugs, kisses and smiles... Please tc if it's serious. Np if u don't wanna tell me. -Your girl AarStar

im tired of questioning everything I wanna do something
          it hurts to keep going
          Idk how to explain
          I wish I could stop questioning my actions
          Or my feelings
          Or my existence
          Or anything
          I wish the voice in my head would disappear
          And it would stop telling me I'm weak
          I wish someone could kill me so I don't need to do it myself
          I wish I would stop judging myself
          I wish I could stop hating on myself
          I wish I could love myself like people do to me
          I wish I would stop worrying about people and care for my own health
          I wish my personality was different
          I wish I could be like other people
          I wish I could be strong
          I wish I could survive without others
          I wish everyone around me would care more
          I wish people understood me
          I wish I would stop ignoring my pain
          I wish I could be nicer
          I wish I could be meaner
          I wish I knew myself better
          I wish I know what I want
          I wish people could accept me
          I wish I could accept myself
          I wish I would stop calling myself an attention seeker
          I wish people payed more attention
          I wish weekends were easier
          I wish I had no pressure
          
          im so
          idek
          tired
          tired of being happy
          tired of being resposible
          tired of being pressured
          tired of not sleeping
          tired of myself
          tired of living
          im so done
          when will this end
          probably never
          maybe ill have to live with this my entire life
          no one can save me now
          my parents dont get me
          no one gets me
          i dont get me
          i hate myelf
          and i hate living
          it wont stop
          theres this voice in my head
          telling me negative things
          and making life impossible
          cant wait until the final straw so i have a reason to end it