life sucks

i beg them to forgive me 
          tell them i’ll be better
          most of them don’t believe me
          i don’t blame them 
          i wouldn’t want to me my friend either

I liked you for a long time. 
          I even thought I loved you for part of that time. 
          When ever I look back it seems that when ever I didn’t have a blatant crush my mind would always go back to you. 
          hell it’s been like that since 1st grade. 
          But looking back, I don’t think I ever liked you at all. 

I dont know what to do anymore I feel like Every thought is a battle. Every breath is a war. And I don't think i'm winning anymore. But I dont know what to do because I feel like screaming and crying but somehow I cant even find the strength for that. But all I can do is smile and say "I'm fine"
          

I cant wait to graduate and leave everyone and everything in this shit-hole of a town behind 

The worst feeling ever is feeling like you are the least favorite friend, like if you just dissapeared you friend group wouldn't care or they're just putting up with you to be nice. Or the feeling that your best friend, who's been there for you since kindergarten, just dosen't give a fuck about you or your life anymore and is just keeping you around to be nice. When your friend accuses you of lying about your mom walking out one night. Or When your bestfriend has only hugged you about 5 times in the past 2 years. It hurts when your your friend group wouldn't care if you died because they just think that your annoying, narcissistic,over the top, ugly human being that only care about yourself when the exact opposite is true and you completely hate your self and your your own worse enemy. 

The Archers Daughter is such a great book so far, can’t wait for the next chapter to come out, anyway this is probably dragging on a bit and this is probably wasting your time so byeeeeeeeeee