If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ.

Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. 

Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example. 

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.