admirings

new things for the new year. check it out. xx
          	
          	https://www.wattpad.com/story/135182316-gone-again

admirings

since i've turned 18 my life has gone both dramatically uphill and downhill. i've encountered beautiful boys who've made me cry, but i can't stop loving them with all my being! they convince me to love them and drop me when i do. i am almost finished year 12 and i am so scared for what i am to become after. i don't want to go to uni, but i don't want to not go to uni. i don't want my future to be based on my now. my friends don't like me sometimes and we fight but i love them too much to let any of them go. i go into the city at night and sneak vodka in water bottles into clubs. it is the most free feeling to be full of alcohol at 5am and stumble through the city with a cigarette and watch the sun rise through the buildings before going home to sleep through the day. i drive with my friends on sunday afternoons with the windows down and we swim in lakes and dance to music. i get home late and kiss the boy who drops me home, and he always tastes like strawberry gum, always. my life is going nowhere, but at the same time i am living. i don't know what to do with myself, but i feel like i know everything i want to do.

admirings

a couple weeks ago i went to a party and got as drunk as i've ever been and a boy picked me up and we sat outside my house in his car at 2am whilst i was raspberry vodka drunk and talked for so long about everything in the world and i went to bed extraordinarily happy