@alibi_1029
On the note of being lesbian I’ve become really worried about the future these days… It hurts me more than I thought when I genuinely realised I won’t be able to have a wedding similar to everyone or even have one. This is so wild to me cause I’ve never been that interested in getting married, I was simply indifferent towards it tbh… but now? Fvck it hurts that I won’t be able to ever have a full marriage with all my loved friends and family there? Do you ever think about that?
Haaa fuck I miss you so god damn much I haven’t seen you since jee adv I’m having withdrawal symptoms honestly one week and I’ll most likely see you after that. This feeling of missing you isn’t even inherently romantic it’s more I just miss you as a presence :(
Atp idk how I’ll handle being in a different college than you just texting isn’t enough I need to be able to see your face in front of me to be fulfilled
i think i’ve safely moved on from you now, on another note i’ve also realised i’m a lesbian actually (most likely). so i would like to thank you once again for making me realise how love truly feels like. i genuinely think it would’ve been really fun to be with you but i’ll live i’ll meet new ppl out there and you’ll meet new ppl out there and we’ll still be friends by the end of it
I will say loving you had been such a delightful experience I felt things and your the most loveable person I've ever met. truly when I first started liking you I refigured out my definition for liking someone cause I never felt such and intense emotion as I did for you. your funny, your cute, your really pretty it take me literally all my willpower to not stare at you constantly. I love loving you and i genuinely love you. I love in in such a way it feels like my heart is caving in and and that im on the brink of an avalanche of feelings atm lol. I hope someday out there you find someone you truly love and someone that truly loves you for all your worth. it does hurt that I can't be that person but I'm willing to give up since it brings you happiness. I love you kanika, truly from the bottom of my heart to the point it's filled so much and it's spilling out as this big ass paragraph im writing for you. you truly are such a charming person and i talented and most of all hard working person. you're always striving to be better and even if it doesn't feel like it dw that's just the imposter syndrome talking. you're truly so magnificent and I knew I never had a chance with you but to actually confirm it hurts in a different way... unfortunately feelings don't have an off switch but I will try my best to move on. hoping only good things follow you and good luck on your boards were gonna be ending highschool soon
haa just found out you knew I liked you (since June???) was it kinda invasive that I read through ur and pias dms it was I'll admit. not my most healthy or nice moment it was an invasion of privacy and I shouldn't have done that. but i think I'll be able to use this as closure to finally move on. it's what I should've done long ago.
i just realised I never explained what your bday playlist meant to you before (lets be honest i just don't have the guts to do so) (also the more i think about it the more confusing it gets so is it he best playlists? meaning wise not really but music taste wise i think it's pretty cool)
that was kinda a very chaotic explaination and the more i think about why i put the songs i put the more i feel im kinda selfish af and that i have a lot of inconsistencies but know this kanika i really do like you a lot and honestly i dont know what to do about it
11. Fake Protagonist - Getsunova
Reference - Theory of Love
On a normal day theory of love is genuinely a mess of a show but on somedays you cant help but applaud its concept and direction. This song kinda inspired the entire playlist since this is what the show was based on. Every single episode was based of a movie and the episode was also a kind of reference to that movie while still sticking to the plot of the show I found that concept so intresting. Other than that I don't personally relate to the lyrics anymore cause i've gotten over it but at one point in my crush for you i related to this song sooo much. funfact this song does have an english version but i didn't put that one in the playlist as i feared it would be too obvious and we cant have that. Plus theory of love follows a friends to lovers trope and that would be us if we do end up together so. A plus point is that you're not as much of an asshole that khai was at the beginning so yey.
One of the main reasons this was here was that it kind of was a test ig? I wanted to know if you overanalyse song recs and this one is one thats both burried deep but still accessible at least compared to some of the other ones here. The more i think about this i feel the playlist gives very mixed signal vibes and im sorry for that lol. This was a test(?) that was subtle enough that it could be passed off as just a song rec so i left it there. And i did this because i do overanalyse you're playlist for my birthday especially the one for my 17th birthday so...
also I have a song/poem idea and it's gonna blow your mind once i finish it I'll show you when it's done hopefully you'll like it
yk what's kind of wild (not really)but I bought you choclates for valentine's two packets actually both Hersheys one is i think hazelnut and cookies flavour which is one of the valentine's special chocolates and a blueberry and acai flavour chocolate as well
but i don't think I'll end up giving them to you cause I doubt well even meet and I have practicals on that day too
but a fool.
i walked past your house again
maybe twice maybe thrice
a foolish smile on my plastered on my face
the kind you'd see from galaxies away
couldn't help it
im but a fool in love
these days I seem to follow a routine
taking long walks, listening to songs that remind me of you
a flower i pick up to accompany me
it's become a habit
couldn't help it
im but a fool in love
i feel closer to you when I do that
the knowledge that you'd understand the allusion
a shot of serotonin to my otherwise bland life
got caught up in the illusion
couldn't help it
im but a fool in love
it doesn't matter how far I need to go
the more my feet ache the less my heart does
but is it so bad that I fell for you
a sin that is your magnetic field
couldn't help it
im but a fool in love
This one is so shit though don’t judge pls it sounds so plain and dumb ngl but oh welp
It’s a shame I watched them wither and loose their beauty every time I brought it home I feel it’s sort of a reference to my cowardice that if I don’t get the guts to give them to you the flower is my heart withering and shriveling up even more lol
I wrote this in jan 2025 when I started taking the long way home every time I could plus who can forget the fallen flower bouquets
fallen flowers.
On a stroll I encountered fallen flowers all around
They were fresh, vivid, their beauty unmatched
Bearing scents that were heightened by the petrichor
In white, blue, yellow, and orange they lay like a sheet of colourful snow
It was written in the stars, they’d fall down
To mix with the wet mud that would soil it’s purity
They’re bound to wither without a purpose to live for
So I took it upon myself to change their destiny
From the fallen flowers I made a bouquet
arranging it meticulously unlike my heartbeat
With shaking hands I imparted all my heart and a piece of my soul
They’d at least exist to lighten up your day
the bouquet is my love letter to you in color and fragrance
it's a testament to how your were my gravity and I couldn't help but fall
in it's beauty i revel
for to bring a smile on your face,
I would end it all
And I’d wish I was that bouquet,
to hold your gaze for the days to come
it may sound cliche
it's a selfish ask, a desire to which id happily succumb
I wrote this on the second day of the youth seminar in 2024 so that’s around august but I don’t remember the exact date