Kalyani Kanika

also multiple contradictions considering my views of smoking have changed as well as my views of being in an fwb situation. for the second thing its a bit specific? i want to keep my first time intimate and then i personally wouldn't mind whoring around w/ ppl but ik society might but eh fuck society socitey is a bitchhh

that being said would i be considered a whore if i wanna go around casual dating? hmm just try many ppl out i dont think i'll mind that tbh. on that note maybe im not a lesbian, so i'll just call myself queer.

god damn i am an intense person no wonder i've got zero viable ppl lined up to date me.

On the note of being lesbian I’ve become really worried about the future these days… It hurts me more than I thought when I genuinely realised I won’t be able to have a wedding similar to everyone or even have one. This is so wild to me cause I’ve never been that interested in getting married, I was simply indifferent towards it tbh… but now? Fvck it hurts that I won’t be able to ever have a full marriage with all my loved friends and family there? Do you ever think about that?

Haaa fuck I miss you so god damn much I haven’t seen you since jee adv I’m having withdrawal symptoms honestly one week and I’ll most likely see you after that. This feeling of missing you isn’t even inherently romantic it’s more I just miss you as a presence :(

i think i’ve safely moved on from you now, on another note i’ve also realised i’m a lesbian actually (most likely). so i would like to thank you once again for making me realise how love truly feels like. i genuinely think it would’ve been really fun to be with you but i’ll live i’ll meet new ppl out there and you’ll meet new ppl out there and we’ll still be friends by the end of it

I will say loving you had been such a delightful experience I felt things and  your the most loveable person I've ever met. truly when I first started liking you I refigured out my definition for liking someone cause I never felt such and intense emotion as I did for you. your funny, your cute, your really pretty it take me literally all my willpower to not stare at you constantly. I love loving you and i genuinely love you. I love in in such a way it feels like my heart is caving in and and that im on the brink of an avalanche of feelings atm lol. I hope someday out there you find someone you truly love and someone that truly loves you for all your worth. it does hurt that I can't be that person but I'm willing to give up since it brings you happiness. I love you kanika, truly from the bottom of my heart to the point it's filled so much and it's spilling out as this big ass paragraph im writing for you. you truly are such a charming person and i talented and most of all hard working person. you're always striving to be better and even if it doesn't feel like it dw that's just the imposter syndrome talking. you're truly so magnificent and I knew I never had a chance with you but to actually confirm it hurts in a different way... unfortunately feelings don't have an off switch but I will try my best to move on. hoping only good things follow you and good luck on your boards  were gonna be ending highschool soon 

haa just found out you knew I liked you (since June???) was it kinda invasive that I read through ur and pias dms it was I'll admit. not my most healthy or nice moment it was an invasion of privacy and I shouldn't have done that. but i think I'll be able to use this as closure to finally move on. it's what I should've done long ago.

i just realised I never explained what your bday playlist meant to you before (lets be honest i just don't have the guts to do so) (also the more i think about it the more confusing it gets so is it he best playlists? meaning wise not really but music taste wise i think it's pretty cool)

also I have a song/poem idea and it's gonna blow your mind once i finish it I'll show you when it's done hopefully you'll like it