aliceinevergreen

I came here to say "Thank you for adding my book..." but I scrolled further down your board and seen the little messages your post and I feel sadden, I wish someone was at least there to comfort you; I don't know you and I wish to now but please don't proclaim your will to die. I see college is very hard for you, and whatever job you have is shit but don't give up! A lot of shitty things will need to happen before you find the right Friends, Partner, and a better road to a smooth life. 
          
          Don't give up yet, it doesn't seem like it but there is more to life despite the fact the government and president are shit asf. Don't give up, Shae, I wish to know you more but please don't give up, there are people waiting for you to change their live before they even realize it themselves; life has road blacks that are meant to stop you from where you wanna be and you're letting them, you gotta break those barriers from getting you to what you want or be. I hope I breached through the dark that clouds your mind, I wish for you to see the light and basket in it warmth.
          
          Nice to meet you, I'm Jariah.

Most nights 
          At the early time of 2 am
          I find myself 
          Locked away in my closet 
          A pillow covering my mouth so 
          No one can hear my uncontrollable sobs
          I wait till everyone is asleep so I can let go 
          

I can't fucking sleep anymore. Everytime I lay down my chest hurts and my lungs close up, my lungs can't keep their shit together and it's like I'm supposed to die at this point. My heart is so weak and my head aches my lungs are getting worse as is my heart. All these medications to make me happy only make me numb. Also I lost my best friend and every time I see something that reminds me of her or a memory we have together I break. I hate crying but lately I've felt so weak and I know I'm broken. I know I've officially broken. I want to push everyone away completely. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone. And all this pain isn't supposed to go away. Maybe I deserve it all. 

I'm tired of constantly hating everything about myself.. 

Why am I constantly being criticized for being depressed????

Today was actually a good day..

I've walked down the halls of my school for years some days with a genuine smile , some with a fake smile and somedays I let my guard down because I'm too tired to pretend that I'm okay..because I'm not okay , seeing me in the hall you'd probably see a happy girl who laughs alot and that is me but thats only a small part of me..you would never see me and notice my long sleeves that cover my arms ,the glassy eyes on days when I feel like giving up, you'd never think "that girl is depressed" It's honestly so weird back in September I couldn't handle it I was so alone and I grabbed the first bottle of pills I saw and swallowed half of the bottle and I ended up in the hospital until 4 am the next day , but the day after I was back at school acting like nothing happened , it made me realize how much we can't see, I was walking those halls and nobody knew I had almost died. Nobody knows what goes on in people's lives..no matter how much you may think you know someone..