cloudandcats
alicewith_a
@cloudandcats cloudy?
cloudandcats
And I'm getting my karma for flirting around
cloudandcats
I wish you'd just tell me you're here. It's okay if you don't want to talk. I just want to stop wondering.
cloudandcats
cloudandcats
People often say our lives are made from the choices we make. I wonder how true that really is. So many of the things that shaped me were never choices at all.
cloudandcats
People tell you to make different choices, to take control and change your life. They say it so easily, as though every door is unlocked and ever road is open. They don't realise that sometimes the walls around a person were built by someone else's hands.
cloudandcats
It's an odd thing, waiting for a future that doesn't feel like yours.
cloudandcats
There's a strange kind of fear that comes not from wondering whether something bad will happen, but wondering when. Knowing there's a date on the horizon that everyone else sees as ordinary, while to you it feels like a countdown . Every sunrise feels like another page torn from the calendar you desparately want to stop turning.
cloudandcats
cloudandcats
This is so funny and relatable at the same time!!
cloudandcats
I've been thinking about the strange age I'm standing in. Like people around me think that I'm old enough for them to ask me about marriage. Young enough to feel as though I accidentally became an adult overnight. It's an uncomfortable place to exist.
Some days I imagine a career so vividly that I forget everything else. Other days I wonder what kind of home I'll have one day, whether I'll cook terribly, someone will laugh when I burn dinner instead of getting angry..
cloudandcats
I don't want to become only someone's wife. I don't want to become only an engineer either. Surely there must be a life where I am allowed to remain a whole person.
cloudandcats
Then I feel guilty for imagining either future too seriously, because somehow it feels like choosing one means quietly saying goodbye to the other.
Why does everyone make it sound like I'll have to decide which version of myself deserve to exist?
cloudandcats
It's Sunday. I thought you'd be free from work tonight
cloudandcats
I just finished studying
cloudandcats
I should probably sleep
cloudandcats
Every conversation********* agghh
cloudandcats
And saw a reel that gen ruined my mood. It was one of those "I'm bored so I booked a flight." The comments were full of people saying, "I love being spontaneous." Spontaneous?? Do you know what spontaneous means where I live? People with strong passports will never understand the luxury of saying, "I think I'll visit Italy this weekend." I watch those reels the same way I'd watch someone announcing they're going to Mars. Good for them. I just can't relate.
I've never applied for a visa myself but I've seen my relatives disappear under piles of documents to know that travelling abroad is like some group assignment. Everyone convo seems to involve someone's bank statement, someone's invitation letter, someone's appointment, someone's missing document, and at least one person saying "wait we need another copy??"
cloudandcats
I should make you my diary (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
cloudandcats
Remember that fanfiction I wrote when I was 15? I opened it expecting to cringe hard. Tell me why the grammar was... actually good??
I kept looking for mistakes because surely there had to be some, but 15 yo me apparently knew what commas were doing more than current me does. There were words in there I'd never voluntarily use today because I'd be scared of spelling them wrong. Ah I was also way more dramatic.
cloudandcats
Should I practice writing in those structures from YT hmmm?
cloudandcats
Idk what to do on free alternative nights between exams
cloudandcats
Baeee