Alina 💛

a year without wattpad : a fucking terrible year ! 
          Started again thanks to Tik tok
          Hope I'll stay and not fall into darkness
          The hardest thing about depression is when it takes away reading...
          How to be alive without reading?
          How to be alive ?
          How ?

A lady was mean to me today...
          Now I'm having an anxiety attack...
          Perfect...
          I hate being me 

I don't wanna die 
          But I don't wanna live like this
          I just want to feel something I just want to feel

I know it's Christmas eve but don't forget it's also Louis birthday!!!!

For Christmas you see your whole fucked up family again
          With screams and tears you'll celebrate this family reunion
          Merry fucking Christmas 

Another fight with my mom, who gonna have to apologize ? Oh yeah that's my part. Because she wants to control what studies I do while refusing to help me and being perfectly aware of how much I struggle with studying, anxiety, really bad panics attack and lack of sleep :)
          
          Always nice to feel supported ! 
          
          (and my sister's who doesn't have a single mental illness telling me that she's grateful that our mother control her studies, I guess it's easier when you're the first of you class since ever and you don't have adhd or dyslexia or depression or anxiety...)

Happy point : Liam's back !!!! This beautiful teddy bear and he liked Harry's post !!!!

What's the problem with me, like nobody want to be near me or talk to me or anything. Like not even people that used to be my friends, what the fuck did I even do ? I never open my fucking mouth so I'm pretty sure it's not about anything I said or did

I'm just so sick of everything, why can't everything stops ? 

I just want everything to stop.