Here for a good time, not for a long time

if you’re ready for school to end clap your hands  
          if you’re tired and want to sleep clap your hands 
          if you’re jaded and you’re stressed and you’re terrified that you have to suffer through high school for t h r e e m o r e y e a r s and you’ve already been hit with senioritis
          Clap your hands 

my friend: i don't like you. I love you.
          me: i think you're mildly decent

My catchphrase:
          “I can’t buy any food because I only have 50 cents and no will to live”

Me: My 6pack is just like my boyfriend.
          Friend: wha-
          Me: Nonexistant.

omg help me a teacher is meowing in the hallway

Teacher: How was everyone’s weekends?
          Student: I went camping and got literally 100 mosquito bites.
          Teacher: Literally? Do you mean-
          Student: Like, I counted 95 in the mirror.
          Teacher: Holy crap

My life motto:
          “God, give me patience, for if you give me strength, I will punch them.”

My *clap* birb *clap* boi *clap* Tokoyami *clap* is *clap* finally *clap* getting *clap* his *clap* scene *clap* in *clap* season *clap* three!!!!!!!!

that moment when you roast somebody or make a really good joke but nO ONE HEARS YOU

Roasts I’ve said out loud
          
          Friend: Tall people are mean.
          Tall person: Why are tall people mean?
          Me: You’re tall.
          
          Person: You sound educated. Are you educated?
          Me: I’m more educated than you.
          
          Person: Boo. Did I scare you?
          Me: Your face did.
          
          Person: *we were at Chuck E. Cheese and younger kids were dancing with chuck* Aren’t you going to join them? *joke*
          Me: No, because I’m not stupid.
          
          Person and me: *are talking about what I would be like as the opposite gender* 
          Me: Let me just say, if I was a boy, I would have more balls than you.