amomaxia

guys, follow,  @inflection? i'll be there from now on. deleting this account.

amomaxia

I know I"ve messed up Lexi, big time, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you just because we broke up. I never did. And I still love you to this day, even though you've put me through hell.
          
          Nothing has changed that. Sure, I'm pissed as hell and upset and getting sick of all this drama, but my heart hasn't changed.
          
          Because love is looking past mistakes people have made and accepting them for who they are and learning to love their dark side. 
          
          Because you can't just be in love with the good. You have to learn to love the bad.
          
          -m
          
          x

amomaxia

One year. 365 days. 52 weeks [just about I believe]. 12 months. In such a short time, so much can happen. I've probably made some of the biggest mistakes in the past year, but we're all human. Mistakes will be made, and lessons will be learned. But this past year wasn't just about the mistakes I made or the things I learned. This year was also the year I found Lexi. 
          
          It started off simple and sweet and a few months in, everything changed. I'm not sure what did it. Maybe it all started around Jon, or the fact I'm stuck with major depression. 
          
          But we fought. All the time. Every day, nearly every second it seemed. And I wanted to give up and give in. I saw myself after a monster the day I tried to take my life. I called Lexi a murderer; I wanted her to take the blame for my careless mistakes. 
          
          Sure she's done so much to hurt me as well, but I love her. Maybe more than I should. Everyone says I should have left when it first got tough, but I didn't. I had hope. I had faith. And I trusted God. I'm not scared to talk about what I believe in, and I believe in God. I believe he has a plan for all of us, and he puts us through what we can handle. I believe in fate. 
          
          I figured God knew what he was doing. I thought I could deal with it, but it kept progressively getting /worse/ and then she left. My world was ripped out from under my feet. I felt like I was walking on a thin sheet of ice. I felt naked almost; barren to hurt. I saw myself as an easy target, and that's what I became. 
          
          And even now, I probably seem like the biggest jerk but even through everyone telling me to leave Lexi and to move on, I still love her. And nothing's changed that. 
          
          Lexi, I love you, I do. You were my first love, and you were the first person I ever let in. You weren't my happiness, but you were a part of it. When I was with you, I was happy. When we weren't talking I was happy because somewhere out there I knew you were there, and you were mine.
          
          [to be continued]