iclal

i've really tried my best havent i? since our first chat i've felt so happy, when that call ended i got anxious thinking i might not find your username but luckily i had added you as a friend so i found you and sent a message, i suggested we should talk again, at first, it wasnt easy, neither of us seemed too eager to reply (i actually was) then i joked about your slow response just messing around gradually, our talks got more intense, almost flirty, you teased me back, keeping it light but then you suddenly accused me of talking to other guys we talked almost every day for a week but your replies became fewer, every time i asked why you had some excuse, finally you admitted that you think you ain't the only guy i was talking to and you werent into that kinda stuff, so you try not to commit yourself much, i tried to tell you that wasn't fair, that you hadn't even given me a chance, but you didn't seem to get it, you said maybe we should try calling again in a few days, but i couldn't because of my exams finally, we had a nice chat last week, i was looking forward to talking to you every single day, but the other day you didnt text me then apologized late at night, asking if i was still awake, though i replied you didn't reply back and today is sunday  night already and though i've told you many times i won't bother you with messages during the day, you keep saying you won't get tired of me but here we are, have i not done everything i could? i've tried to sort this out because i didn't want our good chats to go to waste, i really enjoyed talking to you (i liked you) so although you say you're interested if you don't wanna talk, i cant push you can i?

Does entering 2024 mean anything? Growing up, I'm scared now as I eagerly await growth. The days when I have to shoulder life's burden are getting closer every day, as if I'm standing at the edge of a cliff counting down to fall. While my head is filled with things that confuse me about the future or the present, I feel inadequate. I still haven't stepped firmly enough to move forward without stumbling over those stones. I'm stuck, wondering if there will be someone to lift me up. In a world where people don't care about me at all, I live under their pressure. While I want to experience as much as I can in this test world of life, I'm living completely surrounded by technology figures that imprison me. While seeking love, I'm trying to fit into people's standards, yet I love my loved ones unconditionally. If it's not difficult for me to do this, then it shouldn't be difficult for them either, so why should I change myself for someone else's happiness? While everyone is trying to be the same, aren't our differences what make us who we are, what keep us together? We won't all think the same, dress the same, look the same, or like the same things, but isn't accepting that what really burdens us? Knowing that nobody is perfect and shouldn't have to be, in fact, the fact that our flaws are just details that make us beautiful, constantly nullifies our efforts to be enough for something. If you ask me, love and respect are things that inherently require principles and patterns without everyone deserving to see. Being aware of these things comforts me a bit, but not putting them into practice, and therefore uttering a few random words that fly away, ignites the feeling of helplessness inside me. ↪
          

she was lonely 
          with every fiber of her being, 
          perhaps unaware of it
          she didn't check her surroundings, 
          overlooking the guiding light 
          always beside her 
          maybe all she needs to do is
          gaze up to the sky, 
          where the moon shines, 
          a radiant light in pitch black 
          perhaps, this time, 
          she'll see the bright stars, 
          and in their brilliance, 
          find solace in this seemingly 
          meaningless world 
          all she needs to do is
          look up to the sky...
          ~
          ~
          939637