Heya! I've been reading your fanfic about AlanJeff and I wanted to suggest some tips for improving.
Basically, thing is, you have an idea and are putting it into words that form a story, but I can't help but notice that it's quite rushed. There's lack of descriptions that help associate the things you're telling us in the story to what you see. It's clear you have a vision, but it would be nice to give longer descriptions of places or feelings so we can understand better. In your mind, it's a clear story, but for the readers, they're just now learning everything and don't understand some parts properly as you do. Try to explain the vision a bit more, although I do understand you're excited to show us and that's why it seems rushed. Another thing, while there are conversations you should try using "" instead of - -. Or don't, but you should try making it clearer with spacing them out to make it easier to read, ex.
"I want you back on the team"
"Okay" Jeff turned his attention back to the window.
OR if the same person is speaking, you can do it without the gaps, ex.
"I don't want to do it, but..." he hesitated before looking up again "I don't have a choice."
Like this! Another thing is, you should take it a bit slow to fully develop a character, to make them have their character well developed. Like mentioned before, add some more descriptions, but also consider that this character does this because of this and this, or he's heartless and does it for fun.
I'm really into this side ship from Pitbabe and so glad people are giving them some stage time as well in their own ways. Keep writing boss!
