"I like her…" I said though a bit scared of when his reaction would be
He didn't look at me and I could tell he was about to cry
"You can't…she's mine" his voice was firm, laced with pain. He was my best friend after all and me liking his girlfriend probably made him hurt inside
"She sees you as a best friend, a sister…anything other than a lover. Move on" he replies before I could speak up
I knew I had to move on, that wasn't something I should've been dwelling over, it wasn't right
"Wouldn't you let her go for my sake?" I asked, a bit desperate. I needed to move on but I wanted to know. He'd always say he'd give me the world if I asked then why couldn't he give me his world?
"Allie!-" he almost yelled, I flinched and he only looked at me with guilt though I was the feeling itself
"I can't do this again…letting go of the people I love for the other people I also love" he paused and looked at me, he was already crying, he looked so vulnerable and I felt so guilty
"You of all people should know this! I had to let go of you, I had to let go of Rabih and now you want me to let go of Sarah? Don't be this selfish…please"
That was enough to get me sobbing too and questioning myself internally; why was I so selfish? Why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut and bury my feelings for my best friend's girlfriend? Why?
"Alan i…I'm sorry" I was shaking and my heart was racing so fast, my head was in a web and my feelings felt like loose strings as I tried to hold his hand. Fortunately he didn't shake or brush my cold shaking hand off his—he could never do such a thing
"I hate that I want to pull you in my arms and comfort you. I hate that I can't ever seem to hate you and I hate that I keep calling you my best friend when all you've ever done is hurt me" I heard him whisper softly as if it wasn't meant for me to hear
"I'm sorry" I repeated both words so many times I sounded like a broken record
I wish I never liked my best friend's girlfriend
