dead_&_gone

I hope you're ok. If you ever ckme back you can talk to me.
          You're still one of my best friends.

Please be ok.... ive been in the same place
          Trying suicide and getting hurt physically and mentally.....

Jay. Please be alright. I deeply care for you.

Hewwo

Clara.
          
          
          I'm so fucking sorry. I fucked up big time today. I had a fucking breakdown. Yeah, I messed it all up. Well, I'm not mad at you. They're right, huh? I really am just paranoid. I didn't appreciate what you did for me until you left. I know you won't read this, but my mind cleared. Just a little. I know I'm far from being okay. From being even functional, like, remotely. It was wrong of me to ever try and take out my own anger on you, on Kaden, on Bri. I know I'm blocked, but this is my apology to you anyway. Because if I ever felt completely horrid for something, it was realising I've hurt people I care about. You're all mad at me. That's fine. It's honestly deserved. Mental health is never an excuse to be cruel. Well, anyway.
          I love all of you.
          I hate none of you.
          I'm still leaving, but, at least I know I've said farewell. At least I've made peace with myself.
          I really do mean this. I'm screwed up in the head, I say things I don't mean, I freak out.
          This isn't one of those times. I mean this.
          You kept me alive, you gave me a sense of self-worth. I can't thank you enough, all of you. I'm just done.
          I should have said this all when I had the chance, before I went past that point of no return. Well, I didn't. But better late than never, before I'm gone for good.
          I love you, Clara.
          I love you, Kaden.
          I love you, Bri.
          I'm sorry, and goodbye.

It's been fun.
          Not really, but, it was an excellent distraction from my impending doom. With you guys I felt like I was flying, but even the best built planes crash to the sea. I tried to block it all out, but the walls around me were covered in the manic, sprawling writing of fate. I should know. I was the one who wrote it. It's sickening, honestly. In order to seem alive, I had to be the very opposite. Slowly suffocating me, a rope I wove myself. My landline to all of you, but you tied that help around my neck. If I were to call out, you'd be the death of me. So I didn't. Either way, that rope was choking me. Equally terrible options. So I made a third. Thank you for your time. Thank you for giving me a place to spill the dark ocean of thoughts onto these electric pages. I wish you'd pull me closer. It's a noose, this landline around me. I wish you'd talk to me. The noises bring colours to me. They're making me blind. I'm Icarus. Only in this version, the sun is happiness. Getting close only shoves me farther still away. I'm on medication, but all it does is nauseate me and leave me numb. I'm so fucking done with all of you. I hate you. I knew I couldn't trust anyone, and all you ever did was prove me right. I know what you say about me. Some of you have told me. Showed me screenshots. You know who you are. There's a reason I have these regressions. Truly, great people. Isn't mocking mental health so funny? The internet is tearing me apart. So, fuck you. Fuck all of you to hell and back. I'm done, thank you very much. It was great knowing you. I'm never coming back, so don't expect to ever hear from me or about me again. I don't want to be remembered. 
          Especially not by the backstabbing people on here. 
          Love you guys.
          :)
          

I don't know why Aran corrected to Egan. But my middle name is Aran.

Well, I've returned. I'm not going into details on here, but I'd be willing to discuss matters privately. I've missed you blokes.

@triptychtattxxs Fine... Yes, I did 6reak it. 6ut we're matesprits, and we were 69th c9mpletely c9nsenting. N9w leave me al9ne...

@triptychtattxxs That's... Um.... N9ne 9f y9ur c9ncern. 6esides, it isn't ridicul9us. Y9u were the 9ne wh9 taught me a69ut the wh9le c9ncept in attempt t9 keep me "pure" 9r whatever.