ashchops

sorry guys I'm having a hard time writing! Turns out writing about guys is hard when you are having guy trouble yourself:/ trying to update as soon as possible!

sunandmingi

Ok so I read what you have so far and its not as bad as you might think, and it has great potential to be a really good story. One thing is though that you jump for one thing another super super fast, slow it down and draw out what's happening. Otherwise your story will end faster then you wanted to, and then you'll get to a point where you will just start writing about whatever an it will ruin the rest so really take your time on it, you don't have to post a new chapter everyday, really think about what your writing and make it flow. Also use more adjectives, creative and fancy words that will give the readers a vivid image and make them want to never stop reading it. Otherwise it's pretty decent. I hope this helps if you need anything else just let me know ;)