I feel stupid and I always feel like I have done something wrong.... I have asked God to forgive me for what I've done. I hope my mother can forgive me for that thing back in january. I hope the whole world can forgive this messed up and broken life. But of course no one seems to notice and just pass me by like a leaf blowing in the sky. I try and I try but why, why can't I be the good kid like I once was? This woman does not understand my pain if she would take a second to stop and focus on me then her two perfect sons then maybe I would feel like I belong. My heart aches each and everytime she says words of encouragement to them why not tell me that I have done well even though I have graduated. Why can't she let me do my own thing when I am 18 and need my space. Do I have to do something stupid to get your attention? Do I have to cut myself to bleed? Do I have to write down Suicidal thoughts just so that I don't have to have her worry over the problem child? I was a mistake in her perfect existence just a road block on the map. I have accomplished things mommy why not smile and say something. Mommy why be dissapointed in me when I leave your life will be perfect again and you won't have to worry about the one who has to take her meds or when she will leave to find failure in searching for a job? Soon Mommy one day I will be gone and there Ain't no comming back for me I will leave and you no longer will have to suffer anymore. Neither will my friends or other family they will enjoy the peace and quiet from me. Mommy I love you no matter what but I think its best for you and me if I just leave this place and never be heard from again. It will be like I DIDN'T EVEN EXIST! I do go out everyday like you ask I even work out and not eat as much because I want you to notice me and my weight loss. Mommy you get mad at me over the littlist things well now that I am gone enjoy not getting mad at me and having PEACE and QUIET!!!
