Hey K, it’s J. I am liking fated encounter so far. The names of the characters are something unique and interesting :). My suggestion for you though, is to work on “Show don’t tell”. I’m not too sure how this works for 1st person but what this general means is instead of telling us the emotion the character is feeling, show us the emotion they feel instead. For example, ‘Sarah looks at her father hitting the hammer against the nail; the sound ringing through her ears. She steps forward and her eyes narrow as she tilts her head. “Why are you hammering it so hard, dad?”
That right there shows her curiosity without me explicitly saying she’s curious.
You have great potential, just keep writing and you’ll only grow better as a writer :)
