authornarmada
Hello.
I know it's been a year. My stories are sitting there, lost, untouched. You all had asked for updates quite a few times.. I guess it's been too long now. I am not sure if any of you are around..
Just wanted to let you know.. (disclaimer: might be a Lil triggering or upsetting to read)
I am alive, though only physically. I go to work, smile and laugh sometimes on auto pilot mode I guess. I write (because writing is my profession too), I lead (I am a team lead, though it's only one other person in my team), I eat (mostly overeat because I am not an addict), I come home, play with my dogs for a minute, say Hi to mum hear how her day was and then quietly retreat to my room.
What happens inside only I know. It all started in Feb.. all of a sudden I felt like I was behind in my life, career, everything. As if, nothing will ever go the way I want.. and then the perpetual sadness began.. and then I fell in love.
It's not the first time. But this one left me in absolute shatters. Though it only lasted for barely 3 months, it took away everything from me. My smile, my hope, my zest, my purpose.. everything. I am not saying I am being like this because a man decided I wasn't his cup of tea. I am being like this because every person, have at some point either walked away, or only hangs around for formality.
The thoughts I have are scary sometimes, but well, i am too much of a coward to act on it. I have been on Survival mode, breaking apart every moment I am left alone.
*Continued in comments below*
dolphindelights
@authornarmada it's OK not to be ok. The sad reality is that u never know what the other person is going through. We all are going through something or other. I've always believed that books is my safe haven where I hide from the real world and live a happy life. But unfortunately it's not true. When u are unhappy from deep down inside you no book can make you happy. It's been 5 months since I started a new book or maybe even finished a new book. Just imagine. I also saw your recent ig posts. All I can say for them is that I feel u bro. I wish u meet the love of ur life soon and it heals u ♡
deadly_sunshine
@authornarmada hey sweetheart, let me tell you the first person to love yourself can only be you. I have faced and learnt it from experience, love though forever is never constant, at times the same person who loved you the most- leaves, your love dies, he cheats, he simply stops loving. But in all these situations the person who stays with you is your belief and love for yourself. I mean start spending time with yourself, a person like you who writes and dreams would be a absolute great person to spend time with. Start liking your own company, like a child be happy about yourself. Friends, no doubt their intentions, can never fullfill the craving of being desirous, after a point they also get busy in their lives. From their angle maybe even they are right. Last time I was broken, someone told me our lives are like a train, people board in our train, someone spend more time than others, some are those who hurt us but we still let them on our train and some leave when their station comes, it is upto us to continue this train. Rest writing books is a choice that you made, you turned out to be really good at it, still there is no hard and fast rule to compel yourself to write, some people(like me) are good at waiting, you take 4-5 years, you will still find me waiting, cause your writing is worth it! And I could totally relate to that lagging behind in life, not being fun anymore - there are days I still cry thinking about it but that's it. Cause I know I am worth it. Keeping myself happy isn't easy but I have stopped relying on others for that. I never had those childhood friends who always stick with you. heck all my friends are more like acquittance, will help me when I need one, but no one really likes to come to me, only I end up going to them. I have made peace with that fact. With that always remember there is always a person sitting around who can be your biggest supporter, you need to trust yourself and give them a ticket to your life train.
