Hello.
I know it's been a year. My stories are sitting there, lost, untouched. You all had asked for updates quite a few times.. I guess it's been too long now. I am not sure if any of you are around..
Just wanted to let you know.. (disclaimer: might be a Lil triggering or upsetting to read)
I am alive, though only physically. I go to work, smile and laugh sometimes on auto pilot mode I guess. I write (because writing is my profession too), I lead (I am a team lead, though it's only one other person in my team), I eat (mostly overeat because I am not an addict), I come home, play with my dogs for a minute, say Hi to mum hear how her day was and then quietly retreat to my room.
What happens inside only I know. It all started in Feb.. all of a sudden I felt like I was behind in my life, career, everything. As if, nothing will ever go the way I want.. and then the perpetual sadness began.. and then I fell in love.
It's not the first time. But this one left me in absolute shatters. Though it only lasted for barely 3 months, it took away everything from me. My smile, my hope, my zest, my purpose.. everything. I am not saying I am being like this because a man decided I wasn't his cup of tea. I am being like this because every person, have at some point either walked away, or only hangs around for formality.
The thoughts I have are scary sometimes, but well, i am too much of a coward to act on it. I have been on Survival mode, breaking apart every moment I am left alone.
*Continued in comments below*