avinash k

Thank you for telling me your reaction, which I'm sure many other readers share. There are plenty of fan fictions in which there's no doubt that Pallavi loves only Raghav. I am creating a different story, in which Pallavi reacts like a normal person to everything that Raghav did to mistreat her on the show: harassment and disrespect, forcible marriage and isolation, and opposing her effort to get justice for Mandar's accident. It's all traumatic for Pallavi, and in my story, Raghav understands that his saying sorry and I love you isn't enough to erase Pallavi's pain. He has to be patient, listen to Pallavi's needs, endure her anger and distrust, and let Pallavi decide what she wants.
            
            Pallavi misses the Deshmukh family and imagines a life with Mandar, whom she wanted to marry at one time. This is a story about Pallavi sorting through her feelings for Mandar and for Raghav. It's also about Mandar's self-discovery and Raghav's character growth until he becomes the hero of my other story, "Delivery Boy."
            
            I don't imagine Raghav as the villain at all. In the chapters that you didn't read, Raghav tries to be the support that Pallavi needs, and he discovers what he needs to change through conversations with Kirti, Jaya, his dog Damayanti, Mandar, Siddhesh and Pavani, and Luṅgīvālā Raghav. Now that Raghav has found out that Farhad is gay and likes Mandar, Raghav has to decide whether to stay friends with Farhad, and how to save Pallavi from an unfulfilling marriage.
            
            The show never explained why Mandar went out that night, how he knew Ved, what Dr. Janaki did, what happened to Devayani etc. My story ties up the loose ends, and also clears up some misunderstandings between Pallavi and Raghav. It was clear from Chapter One that Mandar and Pallavi couldn't remain a couple, and Raghav is determined to win Pallavi. So, how will Farhad convince Mandar to be himself, and how will Pallavi decide to give Raghav a chance?

@BrhannadaArmour I don't know where your story is leading to but you made raghav as villain in this story and made pallavi and mandar as couple which itself made uninterested me to go through the other chapters. You're story lacks a feel which can make reader's engaged and I read 1,2,3,32,33 chapters and your story still revolves around accident which you dragged. Raghvi is the feel/aura which you made negative in this story. It doesn't feel good as u made raghav character so bad whose character in real serial had a great swag.

Thanks for the comments and your vote on Chapter Three. What did you find "good" in my story?
            
            Your suggestion to put the speaker's initials before each line of dialogue is a shorthand that I have seen on Wattpad, probably only done by Indian writers. I know that Hindi novels have a convention of presenting extended dialogues as the script of a play, but in English language fiction, the writer is allowed more freedom, either to let the dialogue just flow, alternating between two characters with a new speaker in every new paragraph, or to embellish it with the character's tone, gestures, thoughts etc. As a reader, I find it distracting that I have to expand "Ra:" as "Raghav said:" when I know that the person responding to Farhad saying "Anna" is Raghav addressing him as "Farhad," and I just want to focus on Raghav's reaction to Farhad's words.
            
            Thanks for the suggestion, and even if I don't agree, please continue to suggest whatever you think would improve my writing.