𝐭𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬

Hello, today, I ended going to the mall by myself, for the first time too! I’m quite proud of myself, and I did meet up with a friend from another school. 
          
          Also, I did also ended up buying another book of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower—a gift for my English teacher because her birthday is somewhere next week. Hopefully she enjoys reading it as much as I did.
          
          And hopefully she didn’t get to read that book yet..

Today, I ended up buying The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. I have started reading it. It’s actually really relatable for me. And, I also made milkshake, with chocolate ice cream on top. It’s really delicious I’ll say. 
          
          The bookstore I bought my new book didn’t have Dead Poets Society, so maybe I’ll buy it online, but I’d have to wait until money is not tight. Though it’s not that I’m broke, just being conscious about money.

It’s quite hard for me to even begin writing nowadays. I can read, yes, but writings just don’t click with me anymore.

Huh, haven’t touched wattpad in a hot minute. Well, I do still open it from time to time, read a little stories here and there when there’s no stories that are catered to my interest in ao3–I do think that I have never even finished writing the first chapters of each book I wrote. 
          
          Hm, kind of disappointing but it’s life.
          
          It’s not like I’ll cling back to writing anymore, I think I’ve lost the passion. But I have really interesting ideas (at least to me) that I really want to continue writing.
          
          Now I know that nobody ever goes through boards anymore, and frankly I don’t expect them to. Wattpad is like a dessert nowadays. At least in my side. I do like feeling nostalgic when I see old board messages I wrote in my alt accounts, and stories that I unpublished due to how cringe my writing was. The good times.
          
          Anyways, I’m just rambling at this point, I’ll just leave this because I thought it would be nice to see the contrast of my board messages. If that makes sense.

I want to be a philosopher. Though, I may lack the creativity. Still, I wish to be so. I want to be different. I want to be poetic, and I want to be diverse in my thinking. Yet, nowadays I feel this growing sense of nothingness within the bottom of my soul. It aches me to think I am never going back to the philosophical self I once was back then.
          
          Perhaps I am fated to be like this. If that’s so, then I would like to be a philosopher in my next life—even If it drives me to the brink of insanity.

I am worth nothing.

Man, my motivation is draining. I can’t do schoolwork anymore without feeling sick to the stomach. I can’t write anything and anymore like I used to. I try to write something but that spark of passion isn’t there anymore. I’m losing my skills.

Writing is all I’ve ever known to do, now I’m just losing that passion. At this point, my future may be doomed.