a ♡

Fun fact!
          I have aphantasia (can't see images in my head. If you want to try, close your eyes and imagine an object, e.g. an apple. If you can't see it/can only describe facts without a mental image, congrats we're in the same boat)
          
          This is why I struggle to read/write original works haha and partially the reason I stopped
          :')
          
          I did realise sometime in 2024 but didn't really look more into I until recently but it makes a lot more sense (needing visualisations, can't do mental maths, can't imagine future me and my goals). Not a disability but very interesting to read about and go "hey, that's me!"
          
          Anyway, I'm going back to offline reading on here (my bl manhwa site is down lol, dm if you have another good one with HD images and good translations)

Oof been a while. This may be one of the few important updates:
          
          I've had a series of unfortunate events happen by people I look up to and write about. And I think part of the reason I moved on from kpop and my kpop writing was because 1, the music became too tiktok-esque and 70% groups lost their deep meaningful lyrics and 2, the people behind the idols can be absolute trash.
          So I moved to watching streamers and found an interest in vtubers.
          
          But it turns out, some people are absolutely vile and western vtubers have so many problems compared to the japanese counterparts (I don't speak that much jp but I can see the difference in culture). And I think I want to get away from it all.
          
          I'm gonna be honest: I don't see myself writing more fics. My writing passion has always been because I've been so hyperfixated on a topic that I learn more about these people, their interests and personality that I can form a story around them. Sadly, I don't see myself engaging much anymore or touching a word doc to write even a paragraph for a story.
          
          I'll keep this account open but I dont see myself posting again. I will be writing some interactive CYOA fics with Twine and share the link to that when those are posted.
          
           If anyone wants to keep contact, twt (same user) is best. I'll still have this app so you can message here but expect slow replies.
          
          Thank you for good memories ❤️ 

Hi I'm alive?!
          
          So many things have happened since my last update and I don't think I can quite quantify them or know where to begin. Some ups and some downs - but that's life?
          
          Past few months have been a bit weird and exhausting but I'm slowly getting to a point of recovering and finding my feet. 
          
          Hope everyone is OK, stay safe as usual ❤️ 

Probably should do a lil catch-up post huh:
          
          - successfully started 2nd year of uni. Hate 1 class cuz it's a mixed course 1 and the lecturers  aren't from mine and favour their own students, hate another cuz the teacher doesn't know anything about the subject and ive had to learn everything from yt tutorials, hate the other cuz it's hard and i have no idea what half the code does. So yeah, life is great!
          
          - haven't written much. I did start the xsoleil powers one (got 4 chapters in, planned ~25) so once the 15th hits(finish uni on 11th, give a few days rest), I'm scribbling down everything. Will probably start posting end of year/beginning of January, but it either needs to start or end on 31st January (doppio bday)
          
          - started moving towards jp nijisanji. I'm finding EN humour a bit too dirty(?) for my liking and jp is just a bit more refreshing (and if I watch it on the TV, I don't get told off for watching stuff that swears a lot cuz parents don't understand jp)
           ...Well...when I watch stuff. a lot of my time has been spent in bed fatigued from life (not even sure how. Maybe its the slight depression kicking in) and reading webtoons to escape from it.
          
          Other than that, I'm good. Kinda didn't expect to live this long and now my survival instincts are confused so now I actually gotta live for future me haha
          
          Hope you're all well. I suck at communication cuz I get anxious that my feelings don't get across well and worry about how the other person sees me as a bad person so my brain's solution was to ignore everyone and mot jump into convos anymore (that, and no object permanence). But, if anyone ever needs me, I promise to answer. 
          
          Stay safe yall ❤️ 

Actually remembered I wrote an nct book lol and came back here. Who should I replace taeil with? It might not get done for a while (end of year) but I don't feel right leaving him in it after what he's done. 
          
          Leave suggestions for who you want in it instead (might replace lucas as well since we're at it). I'm no longer in kpop fandoms to know who has good synergy with the group

8 years on this app. It has brought me happiness from my loneliness and the beginning of the rabbit hole that was fanfiction. Originally, this account was for messaging friends when I didn't have any other means to contact them, but it's grown into my love for reading and writing. I've made some cool friends here and I'm so grateful to everyone who has ever interacted with me or my works. 
          
          One day, I should keep one of my works and publish it on my anniversary...maybe my 10th year here?
          
          And, like every celebration I've had this year, it is no stranger to the bad luck I've encountered each time. Food poisoning, again (oof)

I feel like overtime I come back here, it's because I'm going through some bad things. But, apart from being a little ill and congested, I'm actually OK for once! So:
          
          - went out with the bestie, so nice to see her again (although she's moving away again for the rest of the summer cuz life circumstances). I'll find more ways to connect with her
          
          - realised I never uploaded some books here. That's gonna start happening. The reason was because I hated making cover arts so I used an ai app. I do realise the consequences of this now and so I will make new covers in the coming weeks to combat this issue. Graphic design is NOT my passion but anything is better than ai rn
          
          - started watching more anime after I got called out for only watching 49/150 popular ones so I gotta up my game. Currently watching shield hero s2, oshi no ko s2, tsurune s2, and a few more simulcast ones from this and last season
          
          - my language learning is not going so well. I've hit a hurdle as to where to start, what resource to use when there's so many. Narrowed it down to about 3 textbooks but I'll see what i truly want to use once I sit down properly and use them
          
          - my motivation to use my skillset and learn more has depleted. Not sure if its just me being lazy and wanting to read a bunch of ao3 fics or if my body just hates getting out of bed. One day, it'll hit and ill write more and learn more coding techniques
          
          Nothing else is new. Had a holiday abroad? Not bad, just windy. A new government went into power? Let's see if they're any better than the last
          
          Stay safe everyone, stay hydrated, if anyone needs me, I'm chronically on Twitter and ao3 but use twitter if you really need me

Uh, yeah, I'm alive. Not so much a monthly post, just wanted to say that I've broken my phone again, actually ordered a new one instead of fixing it through insurance since it was just bad. The motherboard had somehow broken and wouldn't allow the whole thing to work so I've lost a good thousand pics and 1 backup of my WhatsApp (not too fussed tbh). Everything else requires a login so I'm ok for the most part...except my 100 chrome tabs of ao3 that I needed to read
          
          I'm on my old old phone, the one from high school aka like 5 years ago. It's barely functioning but it still had my wattpad, WhatsApp and notes so I can live until Wednesday 
          
          I did write the Shuca oneshot, it's on ao3. I dont have the link at the moment but I'm sure y'all can find it if you're that desperate for it. 
          
          Finished uni, mental health depletes rapidly as the days go by since I'm stuck at home. No one has got back to me about a job, interview or even volunteering so I'm being berated by mum to get one and it's getting to me a little. She doesn't know how hard it is these days...
          
          Cats are ok, Tsuki gets stressed easily now so cant change his routine much without him bouncing off the walls and running away from me. Yuki just sleeps the days away as usual, just not with me anymore.
          
          It's been getting hotter recently and I hate it. The UK was not meant for hot weather and it feels so much worse than a holiday since AC isn't really a thing here
          
          Apart from all that, I'm ok. Hope y'all are doing fine too. Slow replies unless I'm on Twitter (which I need a new name for, I'm going through my identity crisis arc and hate my current name). If you need me, I'm there
          
          Will be focusing on learning Japanese (i can confidently read hiragana and katakana, just idk what the words actually mean. It only took 3 days!) and improving my coding skills (tbc)
          
          Stay safe as usual <3

Oops, a little late but honestly, nothing has really happened this month. 
          
          - started to get into sanrio more, went a little crazy and bought like 30 blind boxes...
          
          - this does not help my case as I wanted to get a pc ~1.2k. Might have to wait until my next lot of payment
          
          - assignments are due at the end of next month so I'll be cracking down on those, especially since I feel like I know nothing for 1 of them
          
          - I know I said I'd post a story ~dec2023, but I have not touched it since then. I have no idea how to finish it, which makes the middle bit hard to write. I'm still thinking what I should do with it, but I will defo have it out this year 
          
          - started playing genshin again since arlecchino is coming soon. I wanted to save my guaranteed  (thanks sooo much, dehya) for alhaitham since I have his weapon but I don't think hes coming out anytime soon. I was thinking about neuvillette, but I'd never build him.
          - my hsr goals were for sparkle, but I went for black swan before and I'm struggling for jades. I am guaranteed tho, since I just got himeko. Otherwise, maybe acheron?
          
          OK that's it, I have nothing else. See you soon and stay safe ❤ 

Monthly update to show I'm still around (somewhat):
          
          - uni started back up and I'm already feeling the intensity. I thought last semester was bad, but, looking back on it, it actually wasn't too hard. This, however, feels like I've been thrown in the deep end of coding concepts that just don't quite make sense just yet. I've basically been trying to understand them, but I think I'm losing the plot
          
          - bestie's bday was at the start of this month. I was supposed to treat her to a day out before she went back to uni but I was ill and by the time I recovered, she'd already gone. Now I gotta wait until March :(
          
          - one of my cat's got an eye infection (?) - tbh neither I nor the vet knew what was wrong except for a red eyelid - and I first had to give him eye cream twice a day for a week. It got better, then got worse literally 6hrs after we gave him the last dose so had to go back and get eyedrops and painkillers for 5 days. He still wasn't better and so we kept going for another 5 days and he was fine all of a sudden?! Anyway, he's good now, but what an expensive set of vet appointments.
          Also scared the other cat when I had to hold yuki down for his drops - he wouldn't come near me for the whole 2 weeks!! He also tried to hit my mum when we were doing it, so he's protective at least
          
          - that's it tbh. I got ill, went back to uni and then had the whole cat eye infection thing for like 2 weeks and basically did nothing.  
          
          I'm still lurking around here every so often, but if you need me, twitter is the way to go (same username)
          Stay safe everyone❤