Skyè

I'm in miserable rn. Idk if I still have feelings for him. I'm happy when he acknowledged my existence in school hallways. There's something in my heart fluttered a lot, when he smiled at me. When he bid me a goodbye without anyone's knowing. We kept our small glances as a secret from everyone. When there's just like the two of us, that's the time we will have a small talk. Idk why, and why, why im still waiting for him? He told me to wait for e few years. Im kinda sick of waiting. As a years passed by, my feelings for him slowly faded away or so i THOUGHT. I told my friends that there's nothing in my heart left for him. I convinced myself that I HAD ALREADY MOVE ON. And he came BACK everytime i've forgotten about him and THIS HAPPEN EVERY YEAR. HE WAS GONNA LIKE CAME BACK AGAIN, TRIED TO MAKE ME LIKE HIM BACK AND LEFT ME ALONE SLOWLY. I MEAN YES WE WERE NOTHING MORE OR LESS THAN A FRIEND BUT WHY. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?? I hate you but at the same time I LOVE YOU. 

AYEE THANK YOU SO MUCH SIS ♡♡♡ LOVE YAA ><

I think my mama knew from the start, like my old childhood friends were never a good person. She knew that at the end I will get hurt. They are nothing but a selfish person. I think mama always knew the best for her daughter. From the start she knew, that's why she advised me to be careful. That's why she never allowed me to hang out with them. She always nagging me when I was crying because of them. Now I knew, now I knew, yet there's nothing I could do for. Maybe the brightest person held the deepest pain ever. 

Everything I do remind me of her, no matter how many best friends i have. She will always forever be my number one in the world. Yet she doesn't feel the same. Best friend should be with you through thick and thin right? Gosh i'm such a loser. I wished i can turn back the time, where's we both were a best friend. I don't want the time to stop, be it in endless loop. I don't care, I just want to be happy. To be carefree, like we used to do. Mama was right though, she was never a good friend from the start

I'm tired. I swear I'm tired of being kind. People comes and go. My friends only needed me only for my help. Other than that, they never bother me anymore. I felt a various of emotion rn. Sad, angry, annoying, happy. I've kept this bottle up way too long. Gosh how I miss my old best friend so much. She was part of my old childhood friends. She was just five days apart of me. I've knew her way too longer than her friends yet she chose them over me. I love her so much, so so so much. She was my everything. We both grew up together. I felt like she is my twin. I've known her favourites and her dislike. There's too much memories we've been together. 

Y'know, my so old childhood friend once copied my idea for our thesis. Its hell cost a lot of marks and its very important to me. I complained it to her and y'know what her and her other friends said? "It just a pictures, no need to be dramatic. " And her other friend said "Plus you're already smart, I'm sure you will get an A" When i heard that, I felt like my heart crashed. I was just 'smarter' than them. They didn't knew how many times i worked hard to complete the thesis. To make sure that everything is perfect. THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW MANY SLEEPLESS NIGHT I'VE BEEN SKIPPED. They all just assumed that since I'm 'smarter' than them, it doesn't wrong if they copied my idea.

Funny how I cares about people a lot. Funny how I always managed to solve other people's problem yet I couldn't even solve my own problem. I truly scared right now, I'm afraid of people leaving me. Like how they left me. Funny how kind i am towards these peoples who doesn't even care about me. 

I've always had this dream, where's in i saw my old childhood friends were laughing together. They looked so happy together meanwhile me? Helplessly watching them. I felt like a shit rn. Am I a boring person? Am i that ugly till they couldn't stand my presence? I want to cry so badly. I want to vent out my anger so much but there's no one I could ever ask. I'm afraid I'll disturbing other people if I lash out my fear