Hi im Lj and I love reading   There's an angry Susan Boyle impersonator in my bathroom who won't stop yelling the 'c'-word.

Bill Cosby used a cheese grater to get rid of the zits on the back of a hairy widow.

Just remember to call the pineapple on a hamburger phone if you ever run out of Jesus-lube.

Don't tell anyone, but I saw Marry Poppins killing a shopping trolley.


Oh my~! Did you remember to give your mother a back rub with holy water this afternoon?

Did she get a spoonful of virgin period in her tea this morning?

If your canoe is stuck in a tree with the headlights on, how many mini donuts does it take to get to Atlantis?


I woke up this morning and found a highly trained military llama on my front porch. I don't even have a front porch.


Everyday a friendly cow licks a grape.

My nose is a communist.

What do you think about the incident with the blue chimpanzee escaping Gotham City, on a My Little Pony scooter?

Blue is greener than purple, for sure.

Decorate your home with posters of duck dicks.

Soak a dick in a box in vinegar to make it taste just right.