yan

I’m happy and it’s fun to be happy 

It was one hell of a ride, Atty. 

pagod na ako, wala ka ng babalikan hehe. Kbye. pakasaya ka 

good bye and thank you vv much

If I found someone who would see me as me, someone who would be my strength, someone who would listen and wouldn't make me feel unwanted, I wouldn't be able to share it to the world. I'll be consumed with thoughts that the society would instill hate on him, that he wouldn't be able to love me as me, but hate me because of this society. I wanted to be free, from this fucked up society. I wanted to be able to share what I can do without the fear of getting judge. I wanted to feel loved without limits, to feel accepted, to feel okay, to feel happy, I wanted to feel as if I belong. I am no different from any other human, why are you making me feel as if I'm different in a bad way. 

Honestly, I’ve been feeling sad ever since 2020 entered. I feel unsatisfied with whatever I’m doing. I feel greatly disappointed with whatever I ‘achieved.’ I appear okay and calm even if inside I’m slowly tearing apart. Nobody would ever understand me because no one was ever there to listen. Toxic akong tao. As long as I don’t change who I am, no one would ever want to befriend me. People would always leave, and I wasn’t ready for any of it even if I appear to be ready. I cry mostly at night. I shout and scream all the pain yet the it remains unbearable. I am so freaking tired of living my life. Sobrang di ko na alam kung may point pa bang mabuhay ako when in everything I do, hindi ako nageexcel. Palagi akong average. Palagi akong 2nd. I badly want to make myself proud pero I really can’t. For those who never believed in me, I know why. I was never good at anything anyways :)

Honestly, this is one of those times where I regret loving someone like you.

5 months to go tapos mapapafinally tapos nako sa Hell Years!!!! 

I wish the pain was bearable 

sadness is pretty much all I have