batshitplusmetoodlez

not my town being on fire. like bro, i'm tryna not stress anymore than i already do 
          
          i had to work all day, then find out there's a huge freaking fire 20 mins away from me, and stress about it possibly heading towards me.
          
          then i gotta think about the fact that i work all day again (today considering it's freaking 1am) but i can't sleep because:
          
          1) fire.
          &
          2) im a freaking insomniac.
          
          and that's only if it actually doesn't make it my way. seriously considering not going into work tomorrow. (i most likely will.) unfortunately.

i just wanna say that i appreciate everyone reading my new book, the cupid, and how grateful i am to each of my followers, old and new. i honestly can’t believe that i’ve somehow gotten 1k reads in such a short time. thank you to everyone still sticking around. i’m also sorry i haven’t really updated my older stuff in such a long time, i’ve been in a weird funk with it all. maybe i’ve outgrown them, idk. either way, i appreciate even the people that have read those as well.
          
          again, thank you all so much for the love.

to anyone actually reading this… i have recently been given news of a major loss in my family and i know that i’m already typically mostly m.i.a. when it comes to my works, but i truly do not know when i’ll be coming back, given what’s happened. i hope you’ll understand that it’s going to take time to grieve and process everything, so please excuse me while i go on a hiatus of unknown length to spend time with my family and try to make sense of how to move forward.
          
          p.s. please take care of yourselves out there.

i’m stuck on a metaphorical carousel that never stops turning but it’s my brothers birthday so i have to play the part and act like i’m not trapped in a bubble.

i’ve never felt more proud of myself then i do right now. thought, i know it won’t last, it still feels good.
          
          i’ve successfully completed two chapters of a story i never thought i would actually continue to write but thought, why not publish it and give it a try; see if you can pull it off.; see if you can get the motivation for it and keep at it. and, it worked.
          
          not only have i completed chapters for the story i never thought i would take anywhere, but i have gotten back into writing my main story too, as well as a little writing here and there for some of my side and drafted stories.
          
          i’m proud of myself for that.
          
          i had a huge break that i honesty needed. it was a much needed break, and i won’t be surprised if i need another one because that one only cleared up what i failed to see. it cleared up a lot in my life that was just beginning to boil. it was all a simmer before, but now it’s a low boil and when the heat on the stovetop gets hotter, it’s only going to boil more.
          
          nevertheless, i’ve gotten back into doing the one good thing i have going for me, and i have kept up with it for the past couple of weeks. and for that, i am proud of myself; accomplishing something i never thought myself to feels good.

i don’t know what it is, but i’ve had some good writing sessions lately. even though i’ve been feeling relatively hateful, i’ve ignored it like i usually do and poured it into my writing. which, i’m sort of glad about even if it’s not helping me in the long run, it feels nice to accomplish something i like doing and no one is telling me i should do; no peer pressure and no one telling me i can’t just because they don’t want me to. i’m feel free when i write and it’s one of the best feelings out there.

i crave violence and destruction; i want it and i want it bad.

why does not a single person understand? i mean, honestly. and an adult, at that! i’m so about ready to get murderous.

i’m going insane. 

this fucking world hates me about as much as i hate it. it just can’t cut me any slack. and i’m tired of it. so, take it all, world. take it all, because i don’t fucking care anymore. i’m done. just leave me alone and give me some fucking peace.