Beansandrice

I got kicked out of this account. Go follow my older accout, @beansandrice154

Whoever is reporting me to Wattpad for needing "help" stop it. It's getting annoying. This is the third time its happened

Sometimes I feel like I'm not making any progress. Like, one day my ex is completely out of my mind, but then the next, she's completely stuck in my mind and won't leave. I've thought about therapy. My moms said they'll try to find me one. We broke up almost a year ago. Yet I'm still trying to get over some stupid break up. If you're reading this, I miss you. It drives me insane to think about you with someone else. It hurts so much. I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to kill myself, but then I won't get to see the future I always wanted to see. I have such big dreams ahead of me, but now they look all sad and gloomy. You made my future at bright and perfect. Now there's nothing left to live for. I don't care if you don't want to date me again, I'll get over that one way or another. But I'd love to just have you as a friend. At least somewhat present in my life. God, I'm freaking insane. Why the hell am I writing this? I need help

You alright broski? I’m just wondering. If you wanna talk, my number is in our dms here. I hope your alright 

Tomorrow would've been one year. Don't expect me to be online tomorrow. I'll be hiding in my closet, and crying my eyes out.
          
          To my ex, I still love you. Never forget that. To infinity and beyond, remember? I'm keeping that promise

I know you won't read this, so I'll just say it. I'm sorry. I truly am sorry. I ruined our relationship. It was me, not you. My friends and I blamed it on you, but it was me. I was sadistic and toxic. I was too dirty, and asked you to do things you probably weren't comfortable with. I haven't hung out with my friends in person for a bit. So I've been able to reflect on myself. And realize that I'm a horrible person. I've hurt you and I've hurt me. I know you've moved on, it's been about 8 months. I'd me lying if I've said I've moved on. I haven't. I miss you. I miss the way you comfort me. I miss the way you talked to me. I've missed the way you loved me. I took your love for granted. I played with you in ways that it's hard to really describe. No one has loved me like the way you loved me. I haven't blushed at a compliment ever since we broke up. It's like my mind doesn't allow me to feel those feelings. I started doing sh again, not very happy about that. But I've be doing it because I've been horrible to you. I've always thought, "if you hurt them, you hurt yourself." And so I've been hurting myself. I'll end this now. I hope you've found someone who makes you happy, and treats you right. I hope one day soon, our paths with meet. And I truly hope we can be friends. Yours truly, Bea~