I sat on the bench outside of work. It was cold, and dark, but I waited for him. I do not understand why I did that, but I did. 
		"You're still here?" 
		"Yeah, I thought we were going to hang out." 
		"Oh yeah, come on." 
		"Actually I'm kind of tired, maybe another time." 
		"Okay whatever you want." He turned and got into his car. 
	I do not understand why I did that. I walked home, in the cold, and for some reason I was not raging with anger, I was numb. 
	I had fallen from a relationship of 3 years, and there I was trying to fill some empty hole, I have been trying to fill this hole for years. I guess it filled itself with oblivion. 
I wanted to kiss him, but I kissed his brother. I went with his brother over him. He had caught me in a bad place. 
	I know they both have girlfriends, they do not think I know. I wonder if they talk about me, if they ask each other questions. I doubt it. I should feel guilty, but I do not feel anything. 
	They laugh the same, and when they whisper, you want to play; I swear it sounds identical. They both have soft skin, and they have little stubble along their face.
        I know what I am doing, and I know it is bad.