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@beomchacha I know that I'll never understand your situation because I'm not the one experiencing it but I can tell you that I've been into similar situations,and the only thing you can do rn is to reassure yourself saying "it'll be fine". Trust me,it might seem impossible but, affirming that everything will be fine in the end and believing that you can do this, it'll actually be okay. I know it's really hard considering you're suffering from so many loses but it'll be fine in the end, there's an end to everything. Hold on to this hope. I'm sorry for you losses I know how it feels to lose your family. But you can do this I believe in you. Your life isn't fucked up at all. Never give up on your life because it's very precious to be given up on.