i hate it. i hate knowing that you're hurt because of me. i hate myself for hurting me. i hate not being able to comprehend what i've done. i hate seeing you cry, i hate seeing you start to hate me. you're sad, it's clear. im sorry it's all my fault, im sorry i wasn't enough. i never deserved you. i've tried hard to fix it, but it's never enough. it's not worth it. you're hurt, i know that very well, and im sorry i don't help enough. i swear im trying. im tired too, hurt too. i wish you could be able to understand. to understand that i love you, but that im tired and hurt as well. i wish you could comprehend how much your words are hurting me. you think i don't care, but you don't understand how it's completely destroying me. it's hard, it really is, surpassing all this alone, and your words and incomprehension are a heavy weight. you say you miss us, you say i don't care, but that's just selfish. you will never understand how much i love you. you say you ruined yourself for me, but is that for real? you say that, but now your words are ruining me. i have cried a lot lately, just because of you. i wish i could fix you, fix us, but it's hard. i think you know im not the most cheerful person ever, but still you're stabbing me with the same knife over and over again. it's painful. you say i haven't done anything for you, but is that true? im sorry. i've tried my best. i promise i regret it all, i regret not being here all the time, i regret being such a gloomy person and i regret being a bad friend. my parents are worried about me, but my only worry is you. you invade my mind. i don't eat anymore, i don't sleep, i am not able to concentrate anymore, just because you. you're everything i think about. for everything, im sorry.
