berryjk

PEOPLE KEEP COMMENTING ON MY OLD KPOP BOOKS THAT I FORGOT I EVEN WROTE AHAHAHAH

berryjk

this is probably going to be long but i needed to type this out in something that wasn’t a book.
          
          so to sleep i usually listen to piano covers of kpop songs, it helps my anxiety a lot :>
          
          anyways i’ve had a rough past few years (more my entire life)  and some of these songs are still on my playlist from when i had a super toxic friend.
          
          everytime they come on i remember the feeling of that time. the nostalgia the moment holds. i feel it in my entire being. 
          
          it was a winter night and i was home alone. i always hated that. i didn’t want to talk to anyone so i’d read a lot back then. but not fanfictions. real books. i remember sitting in the chair, my laptop on the table across from the chair and my music playing.
          
          piano music also helped me focus when listening to books and keeping my emotions at bay.
          
          now this might not seem like the worst memory ever it’s just me reading. but the time i was in, the people i spoke to still, the feeing of misery, being told what to do, called ugly and annoying, being used, my feelings played with. it was all there behind me. this girl sitting in a chair holding so many stories and emotions that she just couldn’t quite hold in her heart for much longer.
          
          when i look back at this time i realize how much stronger i’ve become, ive learned to start loving myself and that i can reach places if i just try. i can’t let anyone write my story but me. no more letting toxic people tell me what i can and can’t say. i’m just stronger in general. and i’m so much happier !! 
          
          i thought i’d just share this with you guys it was in my mind so here it is. music has been with me my whole life so when something significant happens in a moment a song is playing that song forever becomes that memory. 
          
          anyways goodnight angels !

berryjk

hi...
          i wanted to address something important to me.
          so today i found out that my cat has severe cancer.
          
          because of this severe cancer we had to put her down, she wasn’t eating and when she did she would just throw it back up.
          
          she was a very vocal cat and liked to hug people for attention so when she stopped meowing and purring we knew something was wrong.
          
          today we took her in to get put down. it was tough, i have been crying since yesterday when my dad told me she was sick. 
          
          she lived a good life though she was 15 the same age as me. we grew up together. so i’ve never experienced a life without her. because of this it was hard for me to let go.
          
          i don’t know if you’ve  ever experienced a euthanization but it’s heart breaking. moments before her death she was meowing again, i’m assuming she was saying her goodbyes as she probably knew why we were all crying. 
          
          she didn’t fight it, my dad held her head so she wouldn’t hit it against the table.
          
          this next part is a little touchy about her so if ur sensitive to ig gory stuff don’t read.
          
          i literally watched, the life leave her eyes. i couldn’t handle it even now i can’t handle it. i couldn’t stop crying. her limp body just lying there once completely full of life now gone. i’m going to miss her forever.
          
          because of this experience and loss i’m going to be taking a hiatus, i need some time to myself and writing rn just doesn’t seem right. i hope you all
           understand.  i do have some prewritten chapters for some books that will go up in my absence. 
          
          thank you