Just read your first story and it’s so cute so far!! Things to keep in mind regarding grammar: capitalize at the begging of a sentence and “I”. When writing dialogue make sure to end it with a comma inside the quotes unless it is the end of the entire conversation then use a period or you are using other punctuation marks. Also if you’re writing inner thoughts try italics because they make it more clear they’re not talking out loud. Also I know you have a tab when you do a new paragraph, but its easier for the reader if you skip a line:
Like this so it helps to read it easier those are just my thoughts so far, I love the concept and description is pretty good, I’m not a huge fan of first person just a preference because I find it harder to write in, but I think the main thing to keep in mind is that the readers only know as much as the narrator knows, and when it’s first person it can get rambly when it comes to explaining things like past events, that’s why I find it harder to write (the past can be done better if you do a flash back) also use “because” very sparingly, like I said it can get rambly. Another thing to remember, which can be hard is keeping everything in the same tense. For example, if you say “he said” then also say “he asks” those are two different tenses. The first one was past and the second one present tense. So just make sure you keep those consistent throughout the story it flows easier. Using adverbs and verbs ending in ing are great work around too if you’re having trouble :))
Changing POVs is something that’s best if done sparingly. It’s hard for the reader to keep up if the POVs change a lot and it probably ain’t necessary to the plot. It’s better if you keep one POV but if you need to change, then of course, but try to think how you want the story to go, then decide on the POV.
