I just need to vent a little, feel free to ignore this
I've never been someone's first choice, I've always been the second choice, more of the last choice. I think that's why I read X readers, cause I am only going to be someone's first choice in fiction. even with my own family, it's always been my sister over me. same with my friends, it's always some else in the friend group or my sister before me. even for anyone I've ever though of as my best friend, it's always someone else. when I finally got to meet up with someone who I considered my best friend for the first time, she spent almost all her time with my sister. I just want to be someone first choice. I just want someone that will care that much about me. that's never going to happen though. it hurts so badly, but I just have to suck it up and act like I'm happy. I should be happy for everyone else, but its so hard not having someone that will put you above everyone else.