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Today is so fucking awful. I’ve cried more tears in the last 18 hours than I have in months. I’d give anything for Jjong to have known how much he was loved, and I’d give anything for him to have been able to get the help he needed. I’m so fucking sad. I feel sick. I spent an hour and a half at the gym, an hour at the pool, and I’m still so lost. I barely stomached lunch, and I threw up after the gym because I pushed myself so hard. I’m lost.