blownthrough

Would you visit a place I once stood just to think of me? 

She said that if I was tired of being a big girl I could just go to her but I don’t know how to do that. You were supposed to be here Sophie. How am I making these decisions on my own?

Hasten the healing of WHAT??????? MY INK BLED DISEASE INNIT

Goodbye sophie 

Leaving with barely my soul intact

she thought she saw you at red rock last night, we both almost choked. the woman in question looked just like you from behind, she was wearing her hair just like you would have. 
          
          I don’t know how to reconcile these versions of you. The twenty one year old who told me she thought of me every time it rained because it reminded her of our first date, and the twenty four year old who wouldn’t step out from underneath the awning to kiss me while it was pouring because she was afraid to get wet. Which of these two people am I to believe? 

so much sweetness in your voice at 21, even after what you did. I wonder if you still sound the same

I think about you every time I’m by a body of water, about how much you liked to swim and to row. I think about you every time I look both ways to cross the street. I think about you when I see crates of sparkling water at the grocery store. I think about you when a LANY song comes on, and when I see happy couples embracing and laughing with each other. I think about you when I see compilations of capybaras being silly on Instagram. I think about you every time an airplane flies overhead, every time I look up at the moon. 

You knocked on my door on my darkest night, I peeked out from behind it to lie to you. I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d let you in, if I’d trusted my filth to you. I didn’t want you to see me like that. I know I don’t take up as much space in your mind as you do in mine. It’s my turn to worry about you now. You know I trust you blindly, right? I eat anything that is fed to me by your hand. Meat only tastes good when it’s between your fingers on my tongue. You snatched the lime wedge from my lips to put it in your mouth the other night. You went home with him after he made you cry. It’s my turn to worry about you now. Do you trust me?

I tried to love you but you would not let me