@blownthrough
My parents said they wouldn’t be able to make it to my graduation this year, but that all of us would for sure show up to my brother’s ceremony next year. I preferred it that way when they said it, but the implication of that statement is hitting right now
It’s getting bad again
What was the point in freeing me if they didn’t want this life for me in the first place?
Am I selfish for wanting the one I love when my parents sacrificed their whole lives for me to even taste this freedom?
Crying over a bowl of yogurt and rice in my childhood home at 1:40 AM. Do you understand?
Will you still answer if I call? Do you still want to know me? I promise you, not everything has changed. I wouldn’t blame you if you backed out
Say it with my chest. Be brave.
How do I choose which life to give up? I like them both.
How do I know if my brother will let me around his future wife and kids? I don’t. I don’t.
How do I know if she still be with me, truly and wholeheartedly? I don’t. I don’t.
The only thing I’m good at is running. But there is nothing for me to run to this time
Would you know what that feels like? Is there some part of you that maybe knows some parts of me? Do you know me? Do you know me?
Out of all the knowledge and skills that were taught at school, why couldn’t they teach me how to let go?
How to set it down, how to look it in the eye and say, “I am not you anymore. I am grown, I am fierce. I am stronger than I was. Bigger than I was. It won’t happen again. I won’t let it.”
I don’t know if I can say that and mean it
I need to go back to therapy I fear
Wondering if I’d see you at sunset beach. Remember that time it was just you and me, some fruit, a picnic mat and some wine? I wish we could do that again. I miss you, I’m sorry