this message may be offensive
TW: this is going to be horrifically sad and I’m talking about Liam Payne
It’s so ironic that I accidentally logged into this accp in a few days before I got the news about Liam.
In 2012, I was 12 (exposing my age). One Direction was my first fandom, (unfortunately) After was the first fanfiction I ever read. I remember sitting in my friend’s basement reading it until horrific hours of the night. I remember saving up all my allowance to buy their books. I remember going to the opening night premiere of this is us for my 13th birthday. I remember my one direction phone case I had on my phone until it was so cracked and broken it couldn’t even be considered a phone case anymore. I remember going to their concert in 2015, I cried the entire time, bought 2 shirts and lost my voice. The date of the show was my phone password for 2 years. I remember using the four album to get through some tough shit in my life. I remember when I got diagnosed with chronic health conditions, listening to one direction in the hospital, then running to their songs as I turned it around and tried to get my life back. I remeber studying to their music in my 20s.
Most importantly I remember how being apart of that made me not feel alone. It really was a you had to be there situation. And sometimes I wonder why it’s hurting so bad and even though some bad things have come to light, it’s okay to mourn something that brought you so much joy as a child.
I may be an adult now, but the little girls inside of us are grieving and that’s okay. I’m so thankfully for what one direction gave me and the news absolutely devastated me. I hope everyone takes care of themselves.
-k
