I have really big dreams of becoming a writer but I don't actually put any effort into achieving this dream. Instead, I figuratively vomit some misguided ideas into a a Microsoft Word document and hope for the best. 

I spend most of my time attempting to be funny and wishing that I had a robot to clean my room for me. 

I refuse to apologize for this disgusting 'About Me' because it is a small cog in the grand scheme of my evil plan to lower your expectations of me and then wow you with something totally radical or something.