this message may be offensive
[ birthday tmrw ]
in light of recent events, i'm not rly excited about it as i once was, the only reason i was excited is because there was a high chance of going to visit the love of my life, at least until i was urged by them not to due to their living conditions, to which i declined my mother's offer on going after out of respect, it's not at all their fault, just hoped they would've tried making it work, or maybe i'm just moving too fast, we've only been together 7 months (if you count the month we broke up the first time) in all reality, i assumed with our time together, it would only bring us closer, but it just feels like i'm the one hopelessly devoted while we're slowly drifting apart.
whenever i try voicing my concerns over anything, they just make me feel like an insecure piece of shit, (probably not on purpose since i'm a crybaby) or end the conversation prematurely by changing the subject. instead of consoling me, i just feel like a problem for being uncomfortable with something like, say: them jokingly flirting with a friend they admitted to having feelings before dating me. maybe i am the problem, maybe just maybe, one day, i'll get it through my head.
don't bother them about this, i just really needed a place to talk without feeling like the problem,
(still do, just a little less) they never visit my page, but please be respectful if they do in light of this post, i couldn't mention this in proper context but they are going through a lot (which was the living conditions i spoke about) and it isn't right to judge someone without knowing them fully.
but i know them. ( i hope. )
let me know if i'm the problem and what i can
do to better myself, i want this to work, so bad
