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thank you so much for voting on my book ‘be there for you’!! i greatly appreciate it <3

You know its sad that the only time I've ever felt the best and healthiest was when i was in the hospital connected to fluids and on bed rest

I'm already here might aswell rant about things they've done or said
          
          My father implied that i looked like a slvt just because i wore a crop top. He never said anything to my sister when she wore stuff, it's not like i want him to call her anything but i just mean he never said anything to her so why is he saying that to me? 
          
          Brushing me off when I told them that a guy touched me slightly inappropriately (maybe i overreacted idk but considering the guys that surrounded me growing up and what they've done made my reaction more over, you could say? Oh and in the past one guy had touched me and did some stuff that i wish never happened to me, especially since i was a child, i don't remember exactly what age i was but it ranges from either 6-9 i think? I don't want to remember the exact details. My parents don't know this and i hope they never know, i can already picture their reactions and they may just call me a liar or something :DD fun)
          
          Called me a copycat because i liked and wanted to pursue something that my sister does, I've liked this thing since i was a kid and wanted to do it but never got to do because they didn't want me to do so. Because they called me a copycat it kinda crushed my heart yk? I was so excited and it was my only little happiness but they had to say something hurtful.
          
          Last one, my mother told me that she regrets not giving me away, she said should've just given me away when she had a chance to. Kinda hurt. Gaslighting myself that i deserve that. 

I want what they have, what others have, I just want parents that i can talk to about anything and everything, not just topics about academics, what i want to be in the future, nor my sisters achievements. I just want parents i can ACTUALLY talk to without having them lashing out on me, getting angry because I talked to them, or getting hit. 
          
          Before anyone says that I should talk to them, i have, i did, i tried. In the end I'm wrong, it'll always be them that's right, I'll never be right in my life. Oh and the guilt tripping, emotional manipulation, and last but not least gas lighting they do :DD
          
          I don't even know why I'm writing this. It'll always stay the same and I'm sick of being tthe one always trying but always ending up hurt, crying, and tthe one apologizing

Hey

Bye why does my period have to come back when it's the most stressful week for me
          
          Seriously wanna kms rn, I have so much to finish this week and next week (if I finish most by this week I might be free next week )

Is this goodbye? Idk if I'm just being dramatic or what but I've been feeling like shit and my gut feeling has me feeling something is gonna go wrong or something really bad is gonna happen, and rn I'm crying, idk why, you know when you feel that they're gonna leave soon or something and this is a goodbye or that you'll regret not doing something? Yea that what's I'm felling rn and I can't fucking help that I'm feeling like this is goodbye, I'm probably overthinking but my gut has mostly been always right, I don't want this to be goodbye

I've been off for a bit and I just wanna rant like really bad
          
          
          
          I hate the people at my school like STFU they keep saying the N word over and over to everyone and literally calling everyone by the N word then they get offended when we tell them off cause they make jokes that are so inappropriate and offending, like STFU y'all aren't "cool" nor "baddies" (amazing song btw) if you say the N word or do and say shitty stuff 

Did I accidentally publish a story I had in my drafts or something  I can't tell 

Do I just have literally the worst humor or not have any humor at all? Cause whenever I try to tell a joke people never get it and when I try to explain it's just not funny anymore and it's just akward ._.