Sometimes I miss having a crush and talking about love.
It’s been over three years since I last felt that, or even let myself open up deeply to anyone.
There’s a strange emptiness now, as if my heart has grown limp and quiet, making me feel less alive.
I used to be the liveliest, the silliest in my circle and no, it’s not maturity that took that away, I just know because I never asked for it.
I feel myself slipping, little by little, and that slow disappearance is gradually becoming my greatest fear.
I want my spark back, I want to exist freely to laugh without holding back, to cry without thinking twice, to speak honestly, to move the way my heart tells me to.
I want myself back.
This version of me feels unfamiliar, even frightening.
I’m holding too much inside, and I just want to let it all out.
I’m still twenty, it doesn’t feel fair to lose my spark in exchange for a borrowed sense of maturity that I’ve never asked for, I’m really exhausted more mentally than physically.