Recently I have loved and lost. But I took up reading again. And I have noticed, not for the first time, that I always feel a sense of sadness, a sense of longing as the story ends, because i want it to continue, to carry on forever. I read the story of these people's lives, and once it comes to a finish, I end up wanting to just read on about them forever. I want to have just boring, mundane scenes of them in their kitchen eating breakfast, going out for dinner, just continuing to love and be loved while I watch from a distance, like a mother whose children have left home. I think that is why I want to be an author so badly, because even though my books end, my mind and my heart will always know what happens next, whether it be they brush their teeth, fall in love, go to school, or pass on into their next life, because they are my children, born of my thoughts, like the goddess Athena from her father's ear. I will always know what happens, which is a true comfort, a solace in my anxiety ridden and mentally ill brain, that I can control their love, loss, emptiness, passing, even if I cannot control mine. And I love it. Not playing God, but being able to make someone truly happy, even if they are fictional and from my own head. I will always love my characters, whether from myself or another writer, because they are a part of me. A part that will follow me and guide me until death. And into life after death. My heart loves infinitely, my loyalty and forgiveness knows no bounds, and so I will carry these two-dimensional souls with me in my own.